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Copyright, 
BY  L.  C.  PAGE  &  COMPANY 

(INCORPORATED) 


Entered  at  Stationers'1  Hall,  London 


(Eolmtt'al 

Electrotyped  and  Printed  by  C.  H.  Simonds  &  Co. 
Boston,  Mass.,  U.  S.  A. 


PREFACE. 

SHOULD  any  person  labor  under  the 
impression  that  any  beast  or  thing  de 
scribed  in  this  volume  is  intended  for  a 
caricature  of  him,  he  is  in  error.  This 
book  contains  no  sarcasm,  satire,  or  cyni 
cism.  It  was  written  as  a  purely  childish 
and  innocent  pastime.  It  hides  no  sting. 
It  was  never  intended  for  publication. 
There  exists  no  adequate  reason  why  it 
should  have  been  published.  It  relates 
no  story.  It  has  no  point,  policy,  or  pur 
pose.  If  the  author  harbored  any  design, 
it  was  to  entertain  some  young  people 
during  a  lengthy  journey.  It  was  then 
tossed  aside  and  forgotten.  It  should  not 
have  been  disturbed.  Alas !  it  cropped 
up  one  day  by  the  seashore,  —  a  rainy 


2229165 


PREFACE. 

day.  The  author  read  these  pages  to  a 
number  of  small  boys  who  could  not  es 
cape.  The  smallest  and  least  intelligent 
boy  was  amused.  He  bore  out  the  prom 
ise  of  his  childhood  by  becoming  a  pub 
lisher.  He  trailed  the  man  who  had 
corralled  him  that  rainy  day.  His  object 
was  to  wreak  a  long-delayed  vengeance 
by  publishing  this  book.  He  accom 
plished  his  fell  purpose  by  bribing  the 
author.  Nothing  remains  but  to  pity  the 
author,  and  to  execrate  the  publishers. 

The  author's  affection  for  his  wife  is 
his  reason  for  not  dedicating  these  pages 
TO  HER. 

THE  AUTHOR. 

Sept.  77, 


BY  MARGARET  JONES  AND  THE  AUTHOR. 

PAGE 

Beatrice  and  Jessie Frontispiece 

"  The  door  was  suddenly  opened  by  a  cyclone  "  16-17 

"  The  nearest  rat  came  to  see  them  " 19 

"  Who,  having  taken  a  chair  on  a  bough  "...  20 

"  '  Please  ignore  him  '  " 20 

" '  In  the  house  of  the  fairy,  quite  under  her 

thumb  '  " 24 

" '  If  you  are  going  now,  would  you  mind  turning 

me  over?  '" 31 

"  '  I  don't  like  surprise  parties ' " 39 

The  Poet  Laureate 41 

The  Minister  of  War 45 

"  A  roach,  taking  off  his  hat  and  bowing  quite 

politely " 50 

« «  Hats  off ! '  <  Hats  off ! '" 56 

"  Instantly  a  door  opened,  and  a  little  old  man 

appeared " 62 

Father  Noah 64 


ILL  US  TRA  TIONS. 

PAGE 

"  Beatrice  and  Jessie  sat  down  and  talked  rapidly 

for  three  hours " 69 

" '  I   have   to   manufacture   beasts   to   satisfy  the 

people  '  " 77 

"  '  He  always  says  that,'  said  the  bear  "    .     .     .     .  82 

Mrs.  Piggy  Wiggy 89 

Mile.  Pussy 92 

"  '  Toby  or  not  a  Toby  ! '  " 95 

The  Sad,  Lone  Voice 99 

"•  Expression's  what  you  want !'" 109 

The  Author  in  the  Upper  Box 1 1 1 

The  Thin  Girl  and  the  Fat  Boy 1 20 

"'Sail,  ho!  sail,  ho  ! '  " 122 

The  Admiral 131 

"' I'm  different,' said  the  policeman  " 137 

"' Embrace  me.     I'm  your  ant!'" 148 

Robinson  Crusoe,  Esq.,  and  his  Man  Friday     .     .  153 

"  A  dozen  six-button  gloves  " 157 

"  Giafar  .  .  .  struck  a  match" 168 

The  Boarding-house  Fairy 169 

"  On  the  mantel-shelf,  a  shepherd  and  shepherdess 

under  glass  covers  smiled  eternally  "      .     .  1 70 

"  '  Zwei  lager  ! '" 176 

"  A  pitcher  of  beer  " 1 79 

The  end  .  180 


BLOWN    AWAY. 


BLOWN    AWAY. 


THE  rain  fell  in  torrents ;  the  trees  in 
the  garden  were  bowing  beneath  it,  —  the 
lawn  and  the  flower  beds,  our  special  pride, 
were  all  sodden.  Most  of  the  bright  blos 
soms  lay  beaten  down,  draggled  and  flat, 
upon  the  dark  soil.  The  gravel  paths 
were  formidable  rivers.  We  stood  dis 
mally  by  the  window  and  conversed  in 
whispers.  There  was  born  an  apprehen 
sion  in  our  minds  as  to  the  likelihood  of  a 
repetition  of  the  Great  Flood ;  we  were 
carefully  casting  up  the  sum  of  our  virtues 
with  a  view  to  the  possibility  of  a  miracu 
lous  deliverance.  The  cat  in  the  kitchen, 
our  dearest  bull-terrier,  "  Rags,"  and  the 
much-shared  pony  (black,  with  an  innocent 
white  face),  were  by  acclamation  voted  hon 
orary  members  of  the  prospective  ark. 


12  BLOWN  AWAY. 

The  Picnic  party  so  long  looked  for 
ward  to  was  postponed. 

We  had  stolen  to  the  window  in  our 
white  gowns  many  times  the  past  night 
to  investigate  the  sky. 

We  were  as  miserable  as  disappointed 
children  may  be.  Our  particular  friends 
and  neighbors,  Beatrice  and  Jessie,  not 
bad  sort  of  girls  as  girls  go,  though  wo- 
fully  addicted  to  chocolate  caramels,  were 
the  participants  of  our  sorrow.  They  had 
been  hurried  in  from  next  door  under  a 
large  umbrella.  Their  white  dresses  and 
blue  silk  ribbons  had  painfully  reminded 
us  of  our  loss,  and  we  had  mingled  our 
tears.  We  had  been  specially  indulged  at 
tea:  Nurse  Anne  had  vainly  spread  brown 
sugar  on  our  bread  and  butter.  Even  rasp 
berry  jam,  hitherto  an  unfailing  panacea, 
had  proved  stale,  flat,  and  unprofitable. 

Trickle,  trickle,  trickle,  drip,  drip,  drip, 
said  the  rain.  Every  now  and  then  the 
wind  wailed  in  the  chimney.  Beatrice 
was  perceptibly  alarmed ;  there  was  no 
mistaking  the  corners  of  her  mouth.  I 


BLOWN  AWAY.  13 

had  caught  a  fly  and  was  torturing  it.  At 
last  our  old  nurse  removed  her  spectacles, 
wiped  them  carefully,  placed  them  in  her 
work-basket,  and  looked  at  us  meaningly. 
We  fled  to  her. 

The  fly  crawled  up  the  window-pane 
slowly,  minus  a  leg,  —  the  girls  squatted 
on  the  floor.  There  were  three  of  them : 
Beatrice,  Jessie,  and  my  small  black-haired 
sister.  My  dignity  could  fall  to  no  such 
condescension,  —  I  perched  in  the  window- 
seat  and  sat  on  my  legs  to  keep  them  still. 
Nurse  Anne  then  commenced  her  story: 

In  the  valley  of  Palisada,  not  far  from 
the  broad  and  rapid  Omagama  River,  there 
lived,  not  many  years  ago,  a  widow  who 
was  the  mother  of  forty  daughters.  Of 
these  forty  beautiful  children,  none  of 
whom  were  as  yet  out  of  their  teens,  only 
two  concern  us,  and  these  not  so  much  on 
account  of  the  deeds  they  accomplished  as 
because  of  the  startling  adventures  which 
befell  them,  and  which  I  shall  proceed  to 
relate  without  further  hors  d'ceuvres  or 
preamble. 


14  BLOWN  AWAY. 

These  two  children  were  named  Bea 
trice  and  Jessie.  They  were  not  both 
called  Beatrice  and  Jessie ;  but  one  was 
Beatrice,  and  the  other  was  Jessie,  and  I 
shall  refrain  at  the  present  moment  from 
telling  you  which  was  which. 

Nobody  ever  knew  why  the  modest 
widow  called  Beatrice  and  Jessie  such 
names,  and  I  fear  it  will  remain  forever 
a  secret  buried  in  the  lady's  bosom.  But 
what  does  it  matter  ?  A  rose  by  any  other 
name  would  smell  as  sweet,  and  so  no 
doubt  would,  —  but  let  that  pass. 

It  was  at  no  particular  time,  —  or  if  it 
was,  I  am  unable  to  recollect  it,  —  and  at 
no  particular  period  of  the  year,  that  our 
story  opens.  (It  is  best  to  be  careful  and 
never  commit  yourself  to  any  direct  state 
ment  which,  later  on,  may  be  used  by 
your  enemy  as  a  handle  to  something  or 
other  to  hit  you  with.  The  world  being 
very  wicked,  you  cannot  do  better  than  to 
keep  out  of  it.) 

Beatrice  and  Jessie,  —  Jessie  would  be 
very  much  annoyed  if  she  knew  that  I 


BLOWN  AWAY.  1 5 

had  placed  Beatrice  first,  because  she 
thinks  it  very  foolish  to  place  the  horse 
before  the  cart,  when  the  cart  is  so  much 
the  larger  of  the  two,  that  is  if  you  count 
the  horse  one  and  the  cart  too,  —  and  you 
must  be  sure  to  spell  too,  T-O-O,  or  you 
will  get  mixed  up  and  make  the  cart  and 
horse  three,  when  it  is  really  only  two,  un 
less  you  take  off  the  wheels,  in  which  case 
it  would  be  useless,  and  the  horse  wouldn't 
fool  with  it. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  eating  their 
breakfast,  after  a  big  ball  which  they  had 
attended  without  their  mother's  permis 
sion,  and  were  trying  to  tell  her  every 
thing  about  it  without  betraying  the  fact 
that  they  had  been  there,  and  Beatrice  was 
doing  her  best  to  go  to  sleep  in  her  coffee- 
cup,  when  the  door  was  suddenly  opened 
by  a  cyclone  which  tore  away  the  poor 
children  who  had  been  hanging  on  to  Jes 
sie's  words,  and  left  them  without  any 
support  whatever.  And  herein  was  em 
phasized  the  sinfulness  of  fibbing,  for  if 
Jessie's  statements  had  been  substantial, 


i6 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


the  thirty-eight  sisters  who  were  hanging 
on  her  words  would  all  have  been  saved. 
But  'tis  too  late  to  change  matters  now. 
The  entire  family,  including  the  mother, 
was  scattered  to  the  four  winds,  and  per 


haps  even  more.  The  thirty-eight  and  the 
bereaved  mother  were  never  discovered, 
although  a  number  of  expeditions  were 
sent  out  to  search  for  them,  and  other 
expeditions  had  to  be  forwarded  to  find 
the  first  expedition,  and  so  on.  But  let 


BLOWN  AWAY.  I/ 

that  pass.  Let  us  follow  the  fortunes, — 
which  is  absurd,  for  neither  of  them  had 
a  penny,  —  of  Beatrice  and  Jessie,  or  vice 
versa. 

The  cyclone  lifted  both  of  them  and  car- 


ried  them  an  enormous  distance  through 
the  air.  Fortunate  were  they  that  it  did 
not  carry  them  through  the  mud,  or 
through  the  ink,  or  through  fat,  or  many 
things  I  could  name  but  will  not.  No,  it 
carried  them  through  the  air,  and  finally 


1 8  BLOWN  AWAY. 

dropped  them  on  a  dry  bank  and  left  them 
there  on  deposit. 

The  time  had  now  come  for  Jessie  to 
polish  her  fingers  and  for  Beatrice  to 
wash  her  hair,  and  as  the  sun  was  out, 
shining  beautifully,  they  concluded  to 
have  their  boots  blacked ;  and  after  this 
they  were  ready  for  visitors. 

It  was  very  disagreeable,  of  course,  to 
have  to  sit  upon  a  bank  with  all  the  win 
dows  open,  and  as  there  was  no  door,  it 
wouldn't  shut,  and  no  door-mat,  or  anti 
macassar,  or  even  anybody  to  answer  the 
door-bell  or  bring  up  the  cards  on  a  silver 
salver,  or  call  out  the  names  of  the  visitors, 
when  they  could  see  as  plain,  or  even 
plainer,  than  a  pikestaff,  or  a  broomstick, 
who  everybody  was  the  moment  they 
came  in  or  went  out. 

Jessie  was  pinning  herself  together 
nicely,  and  Beatrice  was  reading  a  num 
ber  of  books  every  minute,  when  the  near 
est  rat  came  to  see  them. 

This  rat  had  a  very  long  tale,  which  they 
listened  to  with  great  attention.  The  rat's 


BLOWN  AWAY.  1 9 

tale,  in  partibus  or  in  omnibus,  —  for  a  rat 
cannot  afford  a  brougham,  —  follows,  for 
it  would  have  been  the  height  —  or  depth 
—  of  ill  manners  for  the  tale  to  have  pre 
ceded  the  rat;  and,  indeed,  nothing  is 
more  annoying,  when  you  make  a  call. 


0     (!>'    (EF 


than  to  find  that  your  favorite  tale  has 
arrived  there  before  you. 

The  rat  explained  that  he  had  not 
called  from  curiosity,  but  as  a  politeness ; 
and  seeing  them  so  unprotected  on  a 
bank,  without  even  a  watchman  or  a 
safe,  he  felt  it  his  duty  as  an  old  rat 
to  give  them  a  little  useful  information 
and  advice. 

Right  here  the  rat  was  interrupted  by  a 


20 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


raven  who  had  entered  unobserved,  and 
who,  having  taken  a  chair  on  a  bough,  re 
marked  :  "  Pardon  me,  young  ladies,  but  I 
should  not  place  too  much  credence  in 
anything  that  old  rat  says  ; 
he  is  an  exceedingly  wily 
fellow,  and  known  to  be  not 
overscrupulous." 

At  this,  the  rat 
-^  seemed  to  be  some 
what  annoyed,  and, 
putting  up  his  eye- 
a  very  supercilious  manner, 
"  I  have  al 
ways  regretted  that  that 
thing  has  wings ;  were  it 
not  for  them  I  should  be 
able  to  oriaw  him.  Please 

O 

ignore  him." 

"  Those  who  do,"  retorted 
the    raven,    "  are    always 
sorry,  as  I  can  prove  to  you 
by  referring  to  several  historical  works  I 
have  in  my  library  at  home.     I  am  a  first- 
class  clairvoyant.     I  live  up  four  flights, 


glass   with 
observed  : 


BLOWN  A  IV AY.  21 

but  my  charges  are  not  high ;  call  if  you 
please,  here's  my  card,  —  Caw,  Caw." 
And  several  members  of  the  Raven 
family  who  had  assembled  joined  in  the 
chorus. 

"  Listen  to  me,"  said  the  rat,  "  and  pay 
no  attention  to  these  niggers, — 

"  There  is  a  boarding-house, 
Far,  far  away." 

"  Oh,  I've  heard  that,"  said  Jessie,  and 
"  So  have  I !  "  echoed  Beatrice,  "  I  know  it 
by  heart." 

"  I'm  sorry,"  said  the  rat,  "  I  didn't  in 
tend  to  quote ;  but  I  can't  help  it,  I'm  so 
learned.  I've  been  through  so  many  books. 
However,  it's  a  fact,  —  there  is,  —  and  you 
must  try  to  find  it,  for  I  have  discovered 
that  your  happiness,  and  the  happiness  of 
others,  lies  entirely  in  that  direction.  You 
will  excuse  me,  I  am  sure,  but  I  feel  the 
poetical  vein  in  me  is  bursting,  —  so  if  you 
don't  mind : 

"There,  in  a  boarding-house 
Not  over  airy, 


22  BLOWN  AWAY. 

For  the  last  hundred  years 

Has  resided  a  fairy. 
This  powerful  woman, 

With  tyrannical  rule, 
Feeds  a  score  of  her  boarders 

On  sulphur  and  gruel. 
If  anything  enters 

This  ill-omened  house, 
It  can't  get  away,  — 

Not  even  a  mouse. 
To  look  at  the  fairy 

Will  give  you  a  chill,  — 
Just  look  at  her  talons, 

And  look  at  her  bill ! 
She  needs  not  to  scratch 

Or  to  hurt  you  a  jot,  - 
You  look  at  her  bill, 

And  fall  dead  on  the  spot. 
To  enter  her  kingdom 

The  trials  are  most  awful ! 
There  are  cats  by  the  legion, 

And  smells  by  the  j awful." 

"  I  don't  like  that  poem,"  said  Jessie. 
"  No,"  said  Beatrice,  "  and  I  don't  think 
the  metre  is  ri^ht." 

O 

"  There   is   no   metre   in   the  boarding- 


BLOWN  AWAY.  23 

house,"  placidly  replied  the  rat ;  "  and  it 
isn't  fair  to  expect  it  in  the  poem.  You'll 
have  to  hear  it  all,  and  it  isn't  polite  to 
interrupt  a  recitation  at  a  party." 

"  Oh,  Lor ! "  said  the  raven,  "  I  wish  I 
were  dead." 

"  So  do  I,"  said  the  rat. 

"  Let's  have  it  over,"  said  Jessie,  trying 
to  look  polite. 

"  Very  well,"  remarked  the  rat,  "  but 
don't  disturb  me  again,  or  I  am  likely  to 
cry. 

"  In  the  home  of  this  fairy, 

Quite  under  her  thumb, 
Lives  a  beautiful  prince  — 

"There,  I've  forgotten  it,  —  that  comes 
of  interrupting  me.  What  rhymes  with 
thumb?  — -quick,  silly." 

"  Gum,"  said  Jessie. 

"No,  it  isn't  gum,  —  stick  to  it;  try 
again,"  said  the  rat. 

"  Mum  ?  "  said  the  raven. 

"  Idiot,"  said  the  rat. 

"  Dumb  ?  "  said  Beatrice. 


BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Go  up  top,"  said  the  rat. 

"  In  the  house  of  the  fairy, 

Quite  under  her  thumb, 
Lives  a  beautiful  prince, 

Who's  deaf,  blind  and  dumb." 


"  How  very  sad,"  said  Beatrice.     "  Can't 
anything  be  done  about  it  ?  " 

"  You  shall  hear,"  answered  the  rat. 

"  This  beautiful  prince 

Is  slave  to  the  fairy, 

Who  makes  him  churn  butter 

All  day  in  the  dairy ; 


BLOWN  AWAY.  2$ 

And  as  she  is  Irish, 

She  has  all  the  Pats 
Wrapped  up  in  fine  linen, 

And  packed  up  in  vats." 

"  It's  rot,"  said  the  raven. 

"  Who  wrote  it  ?  "  said  Beatrice. 

"  It  isn't  my  fault,"  said  the  rat.  "  It's 
by  the  bard." 

"  It's  by  the  yard,"  said  the  raven. 

"  Shakespeare  ?  "  asked  Jessie. 

"  I  think  so,"  said  the  rat. 

u  It  must  be  very  fine,"  said  Beatrice, 
"  only  I  didn't,  perhaps,  quite  understand 
it  at  first.  I'd  like  to  read  it  carefully." 

"  Listen,"  said  the  rat,  "  I  haven't  done 
yet." 

The  raven  fell  off  his  chair,  and  the  rat 
nearly  killed  it  before  it  could  get  up 
again. 

"  This  is  awful !  "  said  Beatrice. 

"  It  was  a  contretemps,"  said  the  rat. 

"  I'm   Q-lad  it  has  such   a   nice  French 

O 

name,"  said    the    raven.     "  It   makes   me 
feel  better,  and  as  long  as  I  know  that  I 


26  BLOWN  AWAY. 

am  in  polite  society,   I  don't   mind  what 
happens." 

"  Be  quiet,"  said  the  raven's  aunt,  "  and 
listen  to  the  recitation." 

"  Yes,  aunt,"  said  the  raven. 

"  To  rescue  the  prince 

From  the  wicked  one's  clutches, 
Has  been  tried  by  all  nations 
From  Chinese  to  Dutches." 

"  What's  Dutches  ?  "  inquired  Jessie. 

"  I'm  sorry  you're  so  ignorant,"  ex 
claimed  the  rat.  "  They  live  in  Holland." 

"  Then  I  hope  they'll  stay  there,"  said 
the  raven's  aunt,  who  was  taking  a  cup  of 
tea.  "  I'm  sure  we  don't  want  them  here, 
—  we're  overpopulated." 

"  Who's  interrupting  now  ?  "  asked  the 
raven. 

"Don't  be  rude,"  said  his  aunt,  "or  I'll 
cut  you  off  with  a  penny,  and  I  know  I'm 
going  to  die  soon." 

"  In  that  case,"  said  the  raven,  "  I'll 
show  you  every  attention." 


BLOWN  A  IV AY.  27 

"  This  is  the  worst  party  I've  ever  been 
to,"  said  the  rat. 

"  Who  wins  the  fair  prince 

His  fortune  and  name, 
Must  be  fair  without  beauty, 
And  great  without  fame." 

"  That's  like  me,"  said  Jessie. 
"  I  don't  fancy  it  a  bit,"  said  Beatrice. 
"  I    can't    help    that,"  said   the   rat ;   "  I 
didn't  do  it. 

"  She  must  enter  the  house,  — 

Eluding  the  fairy,  — 
And  discover  the  prince 
Alone  in  the  dairy. 

"  She  must  kiss  both  his  eyes, 

His  lips  and  his  ears, 
And  sit  down  by  his  side, 
And  call  for  two  beers. 

"  Then,  when  the  witch  enters 
To  serve  the  zwei  lager, 
Then  —  then  — 

"  It's  no  use,"  said   the   rat,  taking  his 
hat  and  cane.     "  I  shall  have  to  wish  you 


28  BLOWN  AWAY. 

a  very  good  morning ;  you  can't  expect 
me  to  find  a  rhyme  for  lager,  —  it's  asking 
altogether  too  much,  and  I've  overexerted 
myself  and  feel  faint.  I'm  very  nervous 
ind  tired,  so  you'll  have  to  excuse  me." 

"  Oh,  do  finish  the  poem,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Impossible,"  answered  the  rat.  "  You'll 
have  to  find  out  the  remainder  for  your 
selves.  However,  as  you've  been  as  polite 
as  your  limited  education  will  permit,  I 
will  assist  you  a  little,  if  you  wish  to  rescue 
the  prince.  You  must  keep  along  Pic 
cadilly  until  you  come  to  Mount  Arrow 
root.  Ask  at  the  Ark  for  further  directions, 
and  then  turn  to  the  left  and  keep  straight, 
if  you  can.  If  Miss  Jessie  will  give  me 
the  scissors,  I  should  feel  obliged, —  I  want 
to  trim  my  whiskers,  —  and  in  exchange 
you  may  call  upon  us  whenever  you  need 
assistance.  Just  shout  as  loud  as  you 
can,  and  I'm  sure  to  hear  you." 

"  Whom  shall  we  call  for  ?  "  asked  Bea 
trice. 

"  Rats !  if  you  please,"  said  the  rat,  and 
bowing  politely  to  the  ladies,  and  with  a 


BLOWN  AWAY.  29 

haughty  stare  at  the  raven,  he  walked 
swiftly  in  the  direction  of  the  Holborn 
Viaduct 

"  I  don't  think,"  observed  Beatrice, "  that 
our  first  party  was  a  great  success." 

"  Well,"  Jessie  replied,  "  we  didn't  really 
invite  anybody,  you  know,  but  the  rat  was 
very  polite  to  recite." 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  Beatrice.  "  I  don't 
like  people  who  put  themselves  forward, 
and  he  never  asked  me  to  sing.  Let's  go 
out  and  look  for  the  Ark  and  do  some 
shopping.  Who'll  dress  first  ?  " 

"  I  will,"  said  Jessie,  "  because  I  can 
jump  into  my  clothes." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Beatrice,  "  you  jump, 
and  I'll  clean  up  the  tea  things." 

Jessie  entered  the  hollow  tree  which 
they  used  as  a  dressing-room,  and  broke 
the  jumping  record,  and  then  Beatrice 
hurried  in  to  dress.  It  was  quite  dark 
inside,  and  if  it  had  not  been  for  the  owl, 
whose  eyes  served  as  lamps,  Beatrice  would 
not  have  been  able  to  see  at  all. 

"  I  don't  suppose,"  said  the  owl,  "  while 


3O  BLOWN  AWAY. 

Beatrice  was  brushing  her  stockings,  "  that 

O  C)      ' 

it  has  occurred  to  you  that  you  are  in 
truding  ? " 

"  No,"  said  Beatrice,  "  am  I  ?  " 

"  Well,  it  isn't  customary,  you  know,  for 
people  to  \valk  into  other  people's  rooms 
in  this  way,  —  especially  when  they're 
asleep.  Are  you  going  to  sit  up  all  day, 
may  I  ask  ?  Would  you  mind  turning 
me  over  ?  I'm  tired  of  lying  on  this 
side." 

"  Are  you  going  to  sleep  all  day  ?  "  asked 
Beatrice,  after  she  had  complied  with  the 
owl's  request. 

"  Of  course,  ninny,"  said  the  owl.  "  You 
don't  expect  me  to  sit  up,  do  you  ?  People 
who  stay  up  all  day  are  silly;  it  hurts  the 
eyes." 

"  I  didn't  think  of  that,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Of  course  not,"  said  the  owl,  "  you 
should  think  a  great  deal  more,  and  talk 
less." 

"  Could  you  lend  me  a  looking-glass  ?  " 
said  Beatrice. 

"  What  for  ? "  said  the  owl. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  3 1 

"  To  see  myself,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  What  for  ?  "  said  the  owl. 

"  To  see  myself,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Don't  get  angry,"  said  the  owl.  "  What 
for?" 

"  To  see  myself,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  You've  said  that  before,"  said  the  owl, 
"  and  it's  stupid,  —  if  you  know  what  you 
look  like  you  needn't  see  yourself.  I  know 
what  I  look  like,  and  I  don't  want  to  see 
myself.  If  you  don't  know  what  you  look 
like,  it's  time  you  did.  Would  you  mind 
turning  me  over?  I'm  tired  of  lying  on 
this  side." 

"  It's  silly  to  talk,"  continued  the  owl, 
when  Beatrice  had  turned  her  over  and 
smoothed  the  pillows  and  tucked  the  bed 
clothes  in  around  her  toes.  "  It's  silly  to 
talk  when  you  can  think.  By  the  way,  if 
I  wanted  to  be  disagreeable,  I  should  let 
you  know  that  your  dress  is  open  at  the 
back." 

"  Oh  !  "  said  Beatrice. 

"  Don't  say  '  Oh  ! '  "  said  the  owl,  "  it's 
silly  ;  why  say  '  Oh  ? '  —  You  might  as 


32  BLOWN  AWAY. 

well  say  A,  or  B,  or  C,  or  any  other  letter 
of  the  alphabet.  But  perhaps  you  only 
know  one  ?  " 

"  I  know  them  all,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  I  don't  believe  you  do,"  said  the  owl. 
"  What  comes  after  X  Y  Z  ?  " 

"  What  does  ?  "  said  Beatrice. 

"  Nothing,"  said  the  owl,  —  "  would  you 
mind  turning  me  over?  I'm  tired  of  lying 
on  this  side.  After  all,  I'm  not  at  all  sure 
that  I  shall  let  you  know  that  your  dress 
is  open  at  the  back.  One  always  makes 
enemies  that  way.  I'll  let  somebody  else 
tell  you,  and  you  won't  dislike  me.  Are 
you  coming  home  to  breakfast,  may  I  ask  ? 
and  do  you  expect  me  to  wait  for  you  ?  I 
hate  waiting  for  breakfast,  it  always  makes 
me  feel  so  faint.  If  you  are  going  now, 
would  you  mind  turning  me  over?  I'm 
tired  of  lying  on  this  side." 

Beatrice  had  on  her  muff  and  her  fur- 
lined  cloak  and  new  goloshes  and  a  fur 
cap,  and  lots  of  other  things  that  cost  a 
great  deal  of  money. 

The   coachman   touched  his    hat,  —  he 


"'IF    YOU    ARE   GOING   NOW,    WOULD    YOU    MIND 
TURNING    ME    OVER  ?  '  " 


BLOWN  AlVAY.  35 

didn't  dare  to  grab  it,  because  his  hat  was 
so  very  fine,  with  a  cockade  stuck  in  it, 
and  polished  so  highly  that  you  could  see 
your  face  in  it,  if  you  put  it  on. 

The  footman  opened  the  door  most  po 
litely  for  Beatrice  to  enter  the  carriage ; 
for  he  was  a  considerate  man,  and  didn't 
want  her  to  climb  in  through  the  window, 
or  even  open  the  door  for  herself,  which 
would  have  been  much  worse. 

The  carriage  was  lined  inside,  through 
out,  with  pale  pink  satin,  and  the  horses 
had  their  tails  tied  up  with  pink  ribbons. 
The  coachman  and  footman  wore  big 
bouquets  of  pink  flowers  glued  on  to  the 
front  of  their  coats,  and  the  rosettes 
in  the  horses'  ears  were  pink,  and  Bea 
trice  had  a  pink  satin  dress  with  a  long 
train  to  it. 

"  I'm  sorry,"  said  Beatrice,  after  she  had 
sat  down  and  piled  her  dress  up  all  about 
her,  and  put  some  of  it  out  of  the  window 
and  asked  the  footman  to  take  great  care 
of  it  until  she  needed  it;  "  I'm  sorry,"  said 
Beatrice,  "  that  I  put  on  my  goloshes.  I 


36  BLOWN  AWAY. 

sha'n't  know  where  to  leave  them  when  I 
reach  the  palace." 

All  this  time  the  carriage  was  standing 

O  O 

still,  but  the  horses  were  pawing  the 
ground  so  hard  that  it  seemed  as  if  they 
were  really  going  quite  fast. 

"  Why  don't  you  move  on  ?  "  said  Bea 
trice. 

"Just  what  I  was  going  to  say,"  said 
the  policeman. 

"  You  didn't  say  so,"  said  the  footman ; 
"  you  only  told  me  to  hold  your  dress." 

"  No,"  said  the  coachman ;  "  you  didn't 
say  so.  If  you  had  said  so,  it  would  have 
been  all  different.  It's  hard  \vork  sitting 
here  and  holding  the  horses.  I've  a  good 
mind  to  get  off  and  leave  them." 

"  Oh,  please  don't,"  said  Beatrice.  "  I 
want  to  go  to  the  palace." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  coachman,  "  but 
don't  let  it  happen  again;  and  I  am  not 
at  all  sure  that  I  can  go  there  now.  Get 
up!" 

"  What  for  ?  "  said  Beatrice. 

"  I   wasn't  speaking  to   you,"  said    the 


BLOWA'  AWAY.  37 

coachman.  "  Don't  interfere,  or  I  can't 
drive." 

"  Oh  !  "  cried  Beatrice. 

"  What  is  it  now  ?  "  said  the  coachman. 

"  I've  forgotten  Jessie,"  said  Beatrice. 

"Well,  I  can't  help  that,"  replied  the 
coachman ;  "  you'll  have  to  learn  it  again 
and  say  it  to-morrow." 

"  You'll  have  to  drive  to  Blanchard's 
and  call  for  her." 

"  I  sha'n't,"  said  the  coachman.  "  I'll 
drive  the  horses  there,  but  I  won't  call  for 
her,  —  you'll  have  to  do  that  yourself.  I'm 
hoarse  to-day,  and  I'm  going  to  address  a 
political  meeting  this  evening." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  I  don't  think  so,"  said  the  coachman. 

Jessie  was  waiting  at  Blanchard's,  and 
in  order  to  kill  time,  and  abbreviate  her 
own  existence,  she  had  eaten  a  strawberry 
ice,  a  chocolate  ice,  a  lemon  ice,  two 
almond  cakes,  and  had  drank  three 
glasses  of  lemonade  and  one  of  cream. 

Jessie  had  on  her  yellow  silk  dress 
trimmed  with  black  lace  and  parsley,  and 


38  BLOW  A'  A  U 'AY. 

she  held  in  her  hand  a  large  bouquet, 
which  had  been  sent  to  her  by  an  anony 
mous  admirer,  whose  name  was  written  in 
a  fine,  bold  hand  upon  a  card  which  was 
attached  to  the  bouquet  by  a  wire. 

Jessie  climbed  into  the  carriage,  which 
joined  a  long  line  of  other  vehicles  full 
of  beautiful  girls  on  their  way  to  the 
palace. 

The  Queen  was  considerably  flustered 
that  so  many  people  should  come  to  spend 
the  evening  with  her  unexpectedly. 

"  I  don't  like  surprise  parties,"  said  the 
Queen,  "  unless  I  am  told  about  them  be 
forehand,  so  as  to  have  things  ready.  May 
I  inquire  whether  you  have  brought  any 
thing  ?  " 

Jessie  held  up  a  bath  bun  and  Beatrice 
an  Aberneathy  biscuit. 

"  Every  little  helps,"  said  the  Queen, 
and  everybody  applauded  vigorously,  be 
cause  everything  the  Queen  said  was  re 
ported  to  be  very  wise. 

"  Each  girl  must  eat  what  she  has 
brought  with  her,"  said  the  Queen,  and 


'"I   DON'T    LIKE    SURPRISE    PARTIES.' 


BLOWN  A  IV AY. 


all  the  girls  tried   to  applaud   again,  but 
some  of  them  couldn't,  and  cried  bitterly. 

"  It's  no  use  crying,"  said  the  Queen, 
folding  her  pocket-handkerchief  carefully, 
"  and  you  can  swap  things  if  you  want  to." 

"  Who  will  give  me 
a  raspberry  tart  for 
a  bath  bun  ?  "  said 
Jessie. 

"Nobody  !"  said 
everybody. 

"  Greedies  !  "  said 
Jessie. 

"  I'll  have  no  quar 
relling,"  said  the 

Queen.      "Send    for        :'»    -/  /-«*S     ^ 
the    Poet    Laureate ; 
he'll    eat    anything 
that's  left  over." 

"  I  can't,"  said  the  Poet  Laureate  ;  "  I've 
been  dining  out." 

"Then,"  said  the  Queen,  "you'll  have 
to  sing  a  song,  or  guess  who  hit  you." 

"  I'd  rather  sing,"  said  the  Poet  Laureate. 

"  Very   well,"   said    the    Queen,  sadly. 


42  BLOIVX  AWAY. 

"  I'm  going  out  now,  and  when   I  return, 
you  must  have  finished." 

The  poet  took  a  new  banjo  from  his 
pocket,  and  having  carefully  blacked  his 
face  with  a  boot-brush,  and  arranged 
his  feet  in  front  of  him,  in  order  not  to 
make  any  mistakes  in  the  metre,  pro 
ceeded  to  chant  the  following  ballad  to 
a  simple  accompaniment. 

"  Oh,  that  the  stars  in  the  Empyrean  gleaming 
Were  stirred  by  the  thoughts  of  the  men 

that  behold, 
And  the  songs  of  the  minstrel,  when  soulfully 

dreaming, 

Could  quiver  those  spangles  of  silver  and 
gold! 

"  Can  ever  the  lover,  who's  longing  and  pining, 
Unbitter  his  wormword  of  sovereign  woe  ? 
Or  the  poison  that  filters  through  shimmer 
ing  lashes, 

Can  it  deaden  the  pain  and  then  soften  the 
blow  ? 

"  I  question,  —  Oh,  answer  !    you   never  need 

ponder,  — 
Nay,  —  swiftly  reply  to  the  query  I  throw  ! 


BLOWN  AWAY.  43 

I  pause  and  you  ponder,  —  ah,  why  should 

you  wonder  ? 

Can  you  deaden  the  pain  and  then  soften 
the  blow  ? 

What  is  it  that  lingers  and  raises  a  spectre 
That    haunts   me   at   night   and   embitters 

the  fray  ? 
Is  it  some  dreary  phantom  that   hid  in  the 

nectar  ? 

The  shadow  of  something  I  dined  off  to 
day  ? 

Or,  is  it  the  ghost  of  the  long  since  forgotten, 
That  echoes  the  strain  of  a  piteous  refrain 

By  strumming  the  strings  of  a  heart  that  is 

sodden 
With  memories  naught  can  engender  again  ? 

You   will-o'-the-wisp  that    I'd   drown   to   im 
prison  ! 

You  glimmering  hope  that  I'd  kill  to  em 
brace  ! 

You  stars  that  are  mocking  a  curtained  hori 
zon  !  — 

Can  I  know  of  you  naught  but  the  gleam 
of  your  face? 


44  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Did  I  cast  myself  down  from  a  peak  to  an 

endless, 

Did  I  dive  in  the  jaws  of  that  dragon  be 
low  ?  — 
Oh,  answer  me,  phantom,  —  me,  —  hideously 

friendless,  — 

Could  you  deaden  the  pain  and  then  soften 
the  blow  ? " 

"  I  can't  understand  a  word  of  it,"  said 
Beatrice,  as  the  Poet  Laureate  shut  up 
the  banjo  and  put  his  feet  back  in  his 
pocket. 

"  Of  course  not,"  replied  the  poet.  "  I 
should  lose  my  head  if  you  did." 

"Well,"  said  the  Queen,  "lets  have 
dinner." 

"  Please,  ma'am,"  said  the  new  servant- 
girl,  "  the  Minister  of  War  is  down-stairs, 
and  wants  to  see  you." 

"  Tell  him  to  come  up,"  said  the  Queen  ; 
"  and  be  sure  he  wipes  his  boots." 

"  While  we  are  \vaiting,"  said  the  poet, 
"  perhaps  you  will  like  this  better : 

"  O  bottlefly  and  bumblebee, 
O  centipede  and  humble  flea, 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


45 


O  earwigs  dear,  and  thrifty  ants, 
That  often  clamber  up  my  — 

"  That  will  do,"  said  the  Queen  ;   "  you 
can  go  now." 

The  Poet  Laureate  put  on  his  wreath, 
took  the  best  umbrella  out 
of  the  stand,  and  went 
out    into     the     yard 
and  laid  down  in  his 
barrel. 

The  Minister  of 
War  was  a  very  tall 
man,  with  a  big  white 
moustache  tied  up  in 


\ 


every 

sabre  wounds  all  over 

him.     He  was  dressed  in 

a  red  coat  and  blue  trousers, 

and  had  on    a  large  bearskin  hat,  which, 

in    order   to    be    really   military,    he    was 

obliged  to  keep  on  his  head  always,  even 

when   he   took   his  bath  or  went    to  bed. 


46  BLOWN  AWAY. 

His  sword  was  tied  to  his  waist  by  a  leath 
er  strap,  which  was  so  long  that  he 
could  leave  the  sword  on  the  hall  table 
and  come  up-stairs  in  the  dining-room 
and  sit  down  without  unbuckling  it.  The 
Minister  of  War  was  very  abrupt  in  his 
speech,  as  of  course  he  had  to  be,  or  he 
would  not  have  been  Minister  of  War. 
After  hitting  his  head  three  times  against 
the  mantel-shelf,  to  prove  that  he  was  not 
afraid  of  anything,  he  said: 

"  Your  Majesty,  there's  a  war  coming." 

"  Dear  me,"  said  the  Queen,  "  where  is 
it  coming  from?  " 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  the  Minister  of 
War,  taking  the  curl  paper  from  one  side 
of  his  moustache  and  reading  it.  "  I  don't 
know,  and  if  I  did,  I  shouldn't  tell.  You 
must  ask  the  Minister  for  Foreign  Af 
fairs  ;  but  I  think  you  ought  to  postpone 
dinner  until  after  the  war  is  over." 

"  Put  off  dinner!  "  said  the  Queen. 

"  I  haven't  put  it  on,"  said  the  cook. 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  Queen,  "  I  never 
said  you  had." 


BLOWN  AWAY.  47 

"  I've  been  looking  out  of  the  window," 
remarked  the  Minister  of  War,  "and  I 
can't  see  it  anywhere." 

"  See  what  ?  "  asked  the  Queen. 

"  The  war,"  said  the  Minister.  "  I'm 
afraid  I've  lost  it.  I'll  have  to  resign." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  Queen,  "  it  doesn't 
matter  very  much.  I'm  going  to  wash  my 
dog,  and  you  must  all  go  home  now." 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  walked  a  long  time, 
until  they  got  back  to  the  hollow  tree. 

"  You've  been  a  sad  while  away,"  said 
the  owl.  "  It's  very  inconsiderate,  —  the 
kettle  has  boiled  over,  —  and  would  you 
mind  turning  me  over?  I'm  tired  of  ly 
ing  on  this  side.  If  you  think  you  know 
how  to  cut  bread  and  butter,  we'll  have 
tea ;  and  I  wouldn't  mind  a  slice  of  toast 
and  a  little  raspberry  jam." 

"  We  have  got  to  go  out  soon,"  said 
Beatrice,  "  to  find  the  Ark." 

"  Very  well,"  replied  the  owl,  "  I  think 
I'll  get  up.  If  you're  going  out  now,  as 
it  will  soon  be  dark,  you  had  better  cut 
down  a  couple  of  stars  and  take  them  with 


48  BLOWN  AWAY. 

you,  —  here  are  the  scissors.  Just  cut  the 
strings,  and  you  can  tie  them  up  again 
when  you  come  home.  You  won't  need 
them  in  the  Ark,  —  that's  lighted  by  elec 
tricity,  although  I  remember  the  time  very 
well  when  Noah  had  only  a  couple  of  oil 
lamps.  The  Ark  was  a  pleasant  place 
then,  but  you  won't  find  me  there  now,  I 
can  tell  you.  Pass  the  jam  !  " 

"  I  wish,"  said  the  mouse,  "  Jessie  were 
not  so  tidy, — it's  uncharitable  to  be  so 

J  ' 

tidy.  I'm  the  mother  of  a  large  family, 
and  how  are  we  to  live,  if  you  don't  drop 
any  crumbs  ?  I'm  waiting,  do  you  hear  ?  " 

"  I  can't  eat  any  more,"  said  Beatrice, 
"  and  I  feel  very  sleepy." 

"  I  hope,"  observed  the  mouse,  "  you 
will  have  the  common  decency  to  give 
us  our  dinner  before  you  retire." 

"  It  is  a  sufficient  comment,"  said  the 
owl,  sitting  back  in  her  chair,  and  com 
placently  stirring  her  tea,  "  upon  the  slan 
der  which  has  been  propagated  concerning 
my  mouse-eating  propensities,  to  call  at 
tention  to  that  rodent,  domiciled  as  it  is 


BLOWN  AWAY.  49 

with  its  offspring  under  my  very  roof. 
But  Public  Opinion  is  gradually  driving 
me  to  desperation,  and  I  shouldn't  won 
der  if  some  day  I  actually  did  swallow 
that  mouse." 

Upon  hearing  this,  the  mouse  gave  vent 
to  a  series  of  heartrending  cries :  "  Chil 
dren  !  "  she  shrieked,  "  pack  up  everything 
and  call  a  van ;  we  shall  have  to  move  this 
very  evening.  We  are  in  the  abode  of  a 
horrible  ogress." 

"  Not  so  fast,"  said  the  owl,  gobbling 
the  mouse ;  "  you  haven't  paid  for  your 
board,  —  and  now  I  must  go  out  and  buy 
mourning  for  her  children."  Thereupon, 
the  owl  put  on  her  bonnet,  and,  wishing 
Beatrice  and  Jessie  a  very  good  evening, 
went  out  with  a  basket  over  her  arm. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  very  much 
shocked  at  the  horrible  crime  which  had 
been  committed  before  their  very  eyes, 
but  this  didn't  prevent  them  from  feeling 
very  sleepy.  In  a  room  up-stairs  they 
found  two  very  pretty  birds'  nests  lined 
with  eider-down,  and  with  quilted  silk  cov- 


5O  BLOWN  AWAY. 

erlets  and  green  silk  curtains,  and  both  of 
them  were  very  soon  fast  asleep.  Their 
dreams  were  so  beautiful  that  they  were 
never  able  to  remember  them,  but  they 
woke  up  bright  and  early,  more  deter 
mined  than  ever  to  rescue  the  handsome 
but  afflicted  prince  who  was  imprisoned 
by  the  boarding-house  fairy. 

Several  robins  in  red  waistcoats  pre 
pared  the  morning  bath,  after  bringing 
them  a  large  cup  of  chocolate  and  some 
delicious  rusks. 

Beatrice  was  about  to  step 
into  her  bath,  when  a  roach, 
taking  off  his  hat  and  bowing 
quite  politely,  said : 

"  Excuse  me,  but  I  fancy  you 
are  not  aware  that  you  are  tak 
ing  a  very  serious  step." 

"  I  don't  think  it's  so  serious," 
answered  Beatrice,  "  and  I  must  say  it  is 
very  rude  of  you  to  intrude." 

"  I  live  here,"  said  the  roach,  "  and  my 
manners  are  perfect,  —  in  fact,  I  am  called 
the  Ravishing  Roach,  M.  D." 


BLOWN  AWAY.  SI 

"  Well,  I  shall  take  my  bath  just  the 
same,"  answered  Beatrice. 

"  In  that  case,  I  can  only  stand  by  and 
weep ;  but  probably  you  do  not  know  the 
havoc  and  destruction  your  thoughtless 
act  will  cause  ?  " 

"  Tush,"  said  Beatrice ;  "  I  think  you 
are  talking  nonsense,  and  I  must  have 
my  bath." 

"  You  said  that  before,"  said  the  roach. 
"  If  you  will  have  the  kindness  to  look 
through  this  glass,  you  will  perceive  what 
you  ought  to  have  noticed  long  ago,  and 
I  fancy  you  will  then  change  your  mind ; 
and  I  must  say,  without  any  intention  of 
being  discourteous,  that  it  is  quite  time 
you  did."  With  which,  the  roach  made 
a  profound  bow,  and  offered  Beatrice  a 
magnify  ing-glass.  "  Look  at  your  bath 
now,"  said  the  roach. 

Beatrice  looked  through  the  magnify- 
ing-glass,  and  perceived,  to  her  great  as 
tonishment,  that  the  water  was  covered, 
here  and  there,  with  great  countries,  some 
of  which  were  vast  continents  and  others 
islands. 


52  BLOWN  AWAY. 

Everywhere  she  observed  the  greatest 
activity,  —  trains  running  in  all  directions, 
ships  were  sailing  across  oceans  and  into 
ports,  steamers  were  plying  to  and  fro, 
and  in  one  country  she  could  see  a  great 
war  in  progress,  and  could  even  hear  the 
firing  of  cannon.  A  piece  of  Ivory  Soap 
which  she  had  thrown  into  the  middle  of 
an  ocean  was  being  settled  with  newly 
arrived  colonists,  and  upon  the  sponge  a 
large  city  was  in  course  of  construction. 
"  What  a  wonderful  thing,"  said  Beatrice. 
"  I  might  have  destroyed  all  that,  —  but 
what  am  I  to  do  ?  I  must  have  my 
bath ! " 

"  Well,"  said  the  roach,  "  I've  been  a 
good  deal  interested  in  that  world  ever 
since  it  was  created  this  morning.  If 
you'll  give  them  another  five  hundred 
years,  they'll  be  pretty  well  played  out, 
and  then  you  can  go  in  and  have  your 
bath  without  really  doing  much  harm." 

"  But  I  can't  wait  five  hundred  years 
for  a  bath,"  said  Beatrice,  "and  I'm  not 
sure  I  shall  live  so  long." 


BLOWN  AWAY.  53 

"  Oh,"  said  the  roach,  "  you'd  call  it  five 
minutes,  but  to  them  its  five  hundred 
years.  You  see,  you're  so  much  bigger. 
I  hope  you're  not  offended  with  me  for 
having  interfered,  —  and  would  you  oblige 
me  with  my  glass  ?  " 

Beatrice  was  handing  the  roach  the 
glass,  when  Jessie  entered  the  bathroom 
and  pushed  poor  Beatrice  into  the  water. 

"  Oh,  Jessie,"  cried  Beatrice,  "  you  don't 
know  what  you've  done.  You've  made 
me  destroy  the  world." 

"  It's  no  use  crying  over  spilt  milk," 
said  the  roach,  fastening  a  piece  of  crepe 
to  the  handle  of  his  front  door.  "  Perhaps 
you'll  be  a  little  more  careful  another  time. 
You'll  excuse  me  now,  I'm  sure,  but  this  is 
my  office  hour,  and  I'm  expecting  a  num 
ber  of  out-of-town  patients.  Good-morn 
ing." 

"  Please,  Miss  Beatrice  and  Miss  Jessie," 
said  the  maid,  "  the  laundress  has  brought 
your  linen,  and  it's  all  marked  with  a  big 

'  o; " 

"  Oh  !  "  said  Beatrice. 


54  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Yes,  '  O,' "  said  the  maid. 

"  Silly,"  said  Beatrice,  "  it's  an  exclama 
tion  ! " 

"  It's  an  infraction,"  said  the  maid,  who 
was  very  learned. 

"What's  to  be  done  about  it?"  asked 
Jessie. 

"  The  laundress  has  marked  all  your 
linen  with  an  '  O,' "  repeated  the  maid. 

"  You  said  that  before,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  I  thought  I'd  make  it  quite  clear," 
said  the  maid ;  "  and  what's  more,  she's 
marked  them  with  thick  ink." 

"  That  isn't  clear,"  said  Beatrice.  "  Be 
sides,  you  said  '  it '  before,  and  now  you 
say  '  them.' " 

" '  It '  is  the  linen,  and  '  them '  is  the 
things,"  said  the  maid. 

"  Are  the  things,"  corrected  Beatrice. 

"  They  are,"  said  the  maid. 

"  Everything  that  is  marked  with  an 
'  O  '  is  mine,"  said  the  owl. 

"  No,  it's  not,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Don't  contradict,"  said  the  owl.  "  If 
you  have  any  doubts  about  it,  we  had  bet- 


BLOWN  AWAY.  55 

ter  go  before  my  friend,  the  Justice;  he'll 
decide.  Come  along."  And  herewith 
the  owl  presented  Beatrice  and  Jessie 
with  two  pretty  pieces  of  blue  paper,  on 
which  was  printed  a  neat  invitation  to 
come  and  see  the  judge  at  ten  in  the 
morning. 

Both  the  children  were  very  pleased  to 
have  so  much  notice  taken  of  them,  and, 
having  attired  themselves  in  very  pretty 
dresses,  they  climbed  into  a  tram  -  car, 
which  whirled  them  as  quick  as  thought 
to  the  beautiful  palace  where  the  Justice 
gave  a  party  every  day. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  awestruck 
when  they  entered  the  presence  of  the 
functionary,  who  was  a  very  fine,  fat,  eld 
erly  pig  in  an  armchair.  The  Judge's 
head  was  bald,  which  rendered  his  ap 
pearance  very  venerable,  and  he  wore  on 
his  nose  a  pair  of  gold  eye-glasses.  At 
the  corner  of  the  Judge's  desk  a  little  pig 
was  stationed  who  was  continually  saying, 
"  Hats  off !  "  "  Hats  off !  " 

Beatrice  and   Jessie,  as   soon    as    they 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


heard  this,  took  off  their  hats  and  sat  on 
them. 

"  You  needn't  have  done  that,"  said  the 
Justice. 


"  Why  not  ?  "  said  Jessie. 
"  Silence  in  Court !  "  said  the  little  pig. 
"  What  do    you  want  here  ? "   said   the 
Justice. 

"  Please  — ,"  said  Beatrice. 


BLOWAr  AWAY.  57 

"  Silence  in  Court !  "  said  the  little  pig. 

"  You  mustn't  say  anything  yourself," 
said  the  Justice. 

"  Who  must  say  it  ?  "  asked  Beatrice. 

"  Silence  in  Court !  "  said  the  little  pig. 

"  Go  ahead,"  said  the  Justice. 

"  Your  Honor,"  said  the  cat,  "  I  cannot 
proceed  with  this  case  if  the  sanctity  of 
this  Court  is  to  be  profaned  by  such  levity 
on  the  part  of  the  defendants." 

"  I  shall  have  to  fine  them  sixpence 
each,"  said  the  Judge,  "and  they  must 
please  pay  it  now." 

"  I've  nothing  less  than  half  a  crown," 
said  Beatrice,  "  and  if  I  change  it,  I'll 
spend  it." 

"  You  should  have  thought  of  that  be 
fore,"  said  the  Judge ;  and  he  sent  the 
little  pig  out  to  get  the  change. 

"  Little  Pig,"  said  the  Judge,  "purchase 
for  me  a  pennyworth  of  roast  chestnuts, 
two  pennyworth  of  toffee,  and  a  penny 
worth  of  bull's  eyes.  Now  then,"  con 
tinued  the  Judge,  crossing  his  legs  and 
closing  his  eyes,  "  let  the  case  proceed." 


58  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Please  your  Honor,"  said  the  tom 
cat,  who  had  climbed  on  to  the  back  of 
the  bench,  and  was  snarling  at  Beatrice 
and  Jessie,  "  these  two  persons  have  en 
deavored  to  rob  my  client,  who  is  a  hard 
working,  honest  and  thrifty  widow." 

"  Is  that  true?"  said  the  Judge. 

"  No,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Silence  in  Court !  "  said  the  little  pig. 

"  They  were  about,"  said  the  cat,  "  to 
steal  this  linen,  which  belongs  to  my 
client  and  is  marked  with  an  '  O,'  and 
I  can,  at  any  moment,  if  your  Honor 
requires  it,  produce  the  laundress  who 
marked  the  linen." 

"  It's  ours!  "  said  Jessie. 

"  Silence  in  Court !  "  said  the  little  pig. 

"  Is  it  marked  with  an  '  O  '  ? "  said  the 
Judge. 

"  Yes,  your  Honor,"  said  the  cat. 

"  Have  you  anything  to  say,"  said  the 
Judge,  "why  sentence  should  not  be  pro 
nounced  ? " 

"  Please,  Judge,  —  "  said  Beatrice. 

"  Silence  in  Court ! "  said  the  little  pig. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  59 

"In  that  case,"  said  the  Justice,  "the 
linen  marked  with  an  '  O  '  belongs  to  the 
owl,  just  as  everything  marked  with  a  '  P  ' 
belongs  to  me,  or  everything  marked  with 
a  '  C '  belongs  to  the  cat,  —  is  there  any 
one  here  who  dare  dispute  that  ?  Could 
anything  be  clearer,  —  anything  plainer? 
In  consideration  of  your  extreme  youth 
and  the  fact  that  this  is  your  first  of 
fence,  you  may  go,  but  you  must  never 
do  it  again." 

"  Do  what  ?  "  said  Beatrice. 

"  Silence  in  Court !  "  said  the  little  pig  ; 
and  Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  thrown  out 
into  the  street. 

"  I  don't  like  this  at  all,"  said  Jessie ; 
"  we  shall  have  to  buy  some  sweets  or  I 
shall  be  very  unhappy." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Beatrice.  But  just 
then  a  whirlwind  happening  to  pass,  they 
jumped  in,  and  were  left  high  and  dry  in 
a  beautiful  meadow,  where  innumerable 
bright  flowers  were  blooming,  where  the 
lark  was  singing  high  above  their  heads 
in  the  blue  sky,  and  where,  by  a  trans- 


60  BLOWN  AWAY. 

parent  stream,  a  large  red  animal  stood 
lazily  fanning  away  the  flies  with  a 
feather  duster. 

"  Ask  him  the  way  to  the  '  Ark,' "  said 
Jessie. 

"  Please  —  "  said  Beatrice. 

"  Excuse  me,"  said  the  animal,  "  but  I 
don't  think  we  have  been  introduced, — 
at  least  I  can't  recollect  having  met  you 

O  * 

before." 

"  Perhaps  not,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  In  that  case,"  said  the  animal,  "  I  must 
decline  any  further  conversation." 

"  But  I  think  I  know  you,"  hazarded 
Beatrice. 

"  Very  likely,"  said  the  animal,  "  so  do 
many  people ;  but  they  are  mostly  mis 
taken.  The  party  you  are  probably  ac 
quainted  with,  you  may  behold  on  the 
other  side  of  the  field.  Good-morning." 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  turned  about,  and 
saw  standing  under  a  tree  an  animal 
that  closely  resembled  the  taciturn  quad 
ruped  they  had  vainly  endeavored  to  in 
terrogate.  On  a  branch  above  it  was 


BLOWN  AWAY.  6 1 

fastened  a  placard  with  the  inscription, 
"  Pull  the  bell." 

"  Where's  the  bell  ?  "  said  Jessie. 

u  Pull  the  tail,"  said  the  frog,  who  was 
trying  experiments  close  by. 

"  I  don't  like  to,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Oh,  she  won't  mind,"  said  the  frog. 
"  It's  quite  different  over  the  way  there. 
She's  an  aristocrat,  and  you  have  to  bring 
an  introduction,  but  anybody  can  call  here. 
Have  you  money  about  you,  may  I  ask  ? " 

"  I've  two  shillings,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Well,"  said  the  frog,  "  that'll  go  a  long 
way.  You  can  buy  buttermilk,  or  oleo 
margarine,  or  skim-milk,  or  tub-butter, 
and  lots  of  things,  —  it's  this  one  does  the 
business.  The  other  one,  the  genuine 
lady,  is  falling  into  innocuous  desuetude. 
Look  at  her  now  chewing  her  cud  and 
just  giving  milk,  that's  all.  Why,  it's 
absurd  in  these  days  of  enterprise  and 
progress.  You  must  jump  with  the  times, — 
I've  often  told  her  so.  Milk  ?  absurd ! 
How  are  we  going  to  feed  the  millions  ? 
Look  at  all  you  children  ;  do  you  think, 


62 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


-now  I  ask  you,  —  do  you  think  a  cow 
that  can  only  produce  milk  and  butter 
and  cream  can  feed  all  you  children  ?  Of 
course  not.  Look  at  me;  I'm  full  of  en 
terprise  and  ideas  and  schemes,  and  you'll 
hear  from  me  presently,  only  keep  your 


ears  open.  Could  you  oblige  me  with  a 
pinch  of  snuff?  Oh,  well,  never  mind, 
only  I  thought  perhaps  you  knew  that 
snuff  is  coming  into  fashion  again.  I 
jump  with  the  times." 

Beatrice   pulled  the  animal's  tail,  and 


BLOWN  AWAY.  63 

was  startled  to  hear  a  bell  ring  inside. 
Instantly  a  door  opened  and  a  little  old 
man  appeared. 

"  Plait-il  ?  "  said  the  man. 

"  I'm  sorry  to  hear  that,"  said  Beatrice ; 
"  I'll  call  another  time." 

"  Non,  non,  non,"  said  the  little  old  man. 
"  Plait-il,  fran9ais,  —  French,  if  you  please. 
Vat  you  vant,  hein  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  I  see,"  said  Beatrice.  "  You 
came  out  so  suddenly,  I  didn't  quite  hear 
what  you  said.  Could  you  please  tell  us 
the  way  to  the  Ark  ?  " 

"  Ze  Ark,  —  ah,  ze  Ark,  ze  mansion,  ze 
palais,  ze  chateau  of  ze  great  Monsieur 
Noah  ?  Oh,  ah,  you  vant  to  zee  heem, 
hein  ?  " 

"  Yes,  please,"  said  Jessie. 

"  Ah,  ze  ozer  young  lady,  she  also,  she 
vant  to  zee  ze  great  Ark  of  ze  great  Noah  ? 
Ees  eet  posseeble  ?  You  do  not  vant  to 
puy  anyzeeng ;  you  only  vant  to  know  ze 
vay !  Tonnerre!  you  have  ze  audace  to 
pull  ze  tail  of  ze  bell  to  ask  ze  question. 
It  ees  too  mooch !  I  refer  you  to  ze  gen- 


64 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


tleman  himself,  ze  great  Monsieur  Noah 
of  ze  ark ;  he  ees  coming  zees  vay,  behold 
heem!  Bon  jour,  good-day,  good-morn 
ing,  good-evening,  bon  soir,  au  revoir,  au 
plaisir,  good-bye.  I  have 
ze  plaisir  to  vish  you  good 
night." 

"  Can  I  be  of  any  service 
to  you,"  said  a  mellifluous 
voice  at  both  their  elbows. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  turned, 
and  instantly  recognized  the 
familiar  figure  of  Noah. 
He  was  dressed  in  precisely 
the  same  suit  of  clothes  he 
had  worn  when  they  played 
with  him  in  their  ark  at 
home.  He  also  wore  the  same  benevo 
lent  expression  of  countenance  and  the 
same  rigid  attitude  ;  and  he  propelled 
himself  by  some  mysterious  manner  upon 
the  same  green,  round,  flat  pedestal  which 
had  proved  his  only  ostensible  means  of 
support  amid  so  many  scenes  of  domestic 
vicissitude. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  65 

"  Oh,  it's  Mr.  Noah,"  said  Beatrice  and 
Jessie. 

"  Yes,"  replied  the  amiable  figure,  "  it  is 
indeed  Noah,  young  ladies,  —  Noah  him 
self.  I  flatter  myself  that  my  advertise 
ments  have  not  been  in  vain.  I  stand 
to-day  the  best-known  figure  in  the  show 
business  of  the  world.  It  isn't  every  young 
lady  that  is  privileged  to  see  me,  —  that 
would  be  cheapening  myself;  but  now 
that  you've  discovered  me,  you've  found 
me,  and  here  I  am." 

"  Yes,  there  you  are,"  said  Beatrice  and 
Jessie ;  and  they  were  so  delighted  that 
they  stared  at  him  with  their  mouths  wide 
open. 

"That's  true,"  said  Noah,  "but  please 
shut  your  mouths ;  it's  rude  to  open  them 
so  wide,  and  there  is  no  telling  what  might 
fall  into  them.  Always  keep  your  mouths 
shut,  if  you  wish  to  avoid  danger.  And 
now  you  would  like  to  see  the  Ark  ?  —  it's 
a  shilling  each,  please." 

Beatrice  gave  Noah  her  two  shillings, 
and  Noah  dropped  them  into  his  hat, 


66  BLOWN  AWAY. 

which  he  always  kept  on  his  head  be 
cause  it  was  full  of  money — not  his  head, 
but  his  hat. 

"  This  way,"  said  Noah,  very  politely,  but 
just  then  a  terrible  explosion  knocked  him 
down,  and  both  Beatrice  and  Jessie  were 
thrown  to  the  ground. 

"  Oh,  dear,"  said  Beatrice,  "  what  was 
that?" 

"  Please  pick  me  up,"  said  Noah,  "  and 
I  will  tell  you." 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  tenderly  placed 
Noah  upright  upon  his  pedestal. 

"  That  explosion,"  said  Noah,  "  was  the 
frog.  He  has  been  experimenting  for 
some  time,  trying  to  look  like  a  cow.  I 
warned  him,  but  he  wouldn't  listen  to  me. 
He  has  just  exploded  with  fatal  results, — 
I  think  he  has  chipped  a  piece  out  of  my 
trousers,  and  I  shall  have  to  be  repanted 
in  parts.  Thus  does  the  folly  of  others 
cause  the  suffering  of  somebody  else. 
But  let  that  pass.  We  will  now  go  into 
the  Ark,  which,  as  you  know,  stands  upon 
Mt.  Arrowroot,  —  not  the  original  Mt. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  6? 

Arrowroot, —  I  have  disposed  of  that  in 
pieces,  at  a  penny  a  piece,  and  some  of  it 
has  been  stolen  by  wicked  sightseers,  but 
still  it's  Mt.  Arrowroot,  —  you  can't  take 
the  name  away,  you  know." 

"  Is  it  far  from  here  ?  "  hazarded  Jessie. 

"  It's  on  the  tenth  story,"  said  Noah, 
"  but  there  is  an  elevator,  and  a  boy  in 
uniform.  Here  we  are."  And  Noah 
pointed  proudly  to  a  sign  which  read, 
"  Take  this  elevator  to  the  Ark,  —  keep 
to  your  right  for  the  trains  —  go  down 
the  steps  to  the  boat."  "  It's  not  too 
late  to  turn  back,  young  ladies,  if  you're 
afraid.  The  animals  have  all  been  fed, — 
but  still  accidents  will  happen  in  the  best 
regulated  families." 

O 

"  If  you'll  excuse  us  for  a  moment,"  said 
Beatrice,  "  we  will  hold  a  convention." 

"  Take  your  time,"  said  Noah,  politely. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  sat  down  and  talked 
rapidly  for  three  hours,  until  the  setting 
sun  and  the  dead  birds  that  lay  all  around 
them  reminded  them  that  the  discussion 
had  been  lengthy,  whereupon  they  rose 


68  BLOWN  AWAY. 

simultaneously,  and,  with  a  deep  courtesy, 
informed  Noah  that  for  ill  or  for  woe,  for 
better  or  for  worse,  they  were  prepared  to 
face  the  animals  in  the  Ark. 

"  But,"  said  Noah,  "  you  must  promise 
not  to  talk  to  the  animals  too  much.  In 
fact,  we  don't  allow  ladies  to  talk  to  the 
animals  at  all,  —  it  hurts  them." 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  promised  faithfully 
not  to  enter  into  conversation  with  any 
beast. 

"  In  that  case,"  said  Noah,  "  I  will  trust 
you." 

The  boy  in  the  elevator  was  very 
pleased  to  see  Beatrice  and  Jessie.  He 
spoke  to  them  kindly  and  with  much 
affability,  and  he  further  manifested  his 
amiable  disposition  by  a  promise  to 
eventually  lend  them  a  book  he  was 
then  perusing. 

After  having  been  shot  twice  through 
the  roof,  and  after  two  descents  to  the  cel 
lar,  they  finally  arrived  at  their  destination. 
Noah  took  Jessie  by  one  hand  and  Bea 
trice  by  the  other,  or  Beatrice  by  one 


BLOWN  AWAY.  /I 

hand  and  Jessie  by  the  other,  I  forget 
which,  and  walked  with  them  to  the  Ark. 
Both  Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  trembling 
with  excitement. 

"  You  must  not  tremble  so,"  said  Noah, 
"you  are  shaking  the  glue,  and  unsettling 
me  for  my  work.  It  is  only  by  preserving 
a  stolid  countenance,  every  autumn  when 
sugar  is  cheap,  that  I  am  able  to  subdue 
my  animals ;  and  before  you  go  in," 
continued  Noah,  "  I'm  sorry  to  say  you 
will  have  to  listen  to  a  recitation, — 
it's  part  of  my  duty,  and  I  must  do  it. 
I'm  sorry,  nobody  ever  likes  it,  but  I 
must,  and  you  can  have  refreshment 
afterwards." 

Beatrice  and  Jessie,  being  obliging  girls 
and  accustomed  to  afternoon  parties,  smiled 
bitterly,  and  assented. 

The  usher  conducted  them  to  a  front 
seat  on  the  aisle,  and  Noah,  having  pow 
dered  his  face  and  made  some  other  nec 
essary  alterations  in  his  dress,  such  as 
the  theme  of  his  recitation  demanded,  de 
claimed  the  following : 


72  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Beware  how  you  face  the  lion's  maw, 
Beware  the  pussy's  fiendish  claw, 
Nor  brave  the  squirrel's  horrid  roar. 

Excelsior  ! 

"  Let  not  the  dromedary's  smile, 
Nor  crocodiles  with  tears  beguile  ; 
Let  not  the  chimpanzee  or  clown, 
Or  horse  that  gallops  up  and  down, 
Or  bull  that  wallows  in  his  gore, 
Or  bees  that  hive  their  sugared  store 
Which  little  girls  like  you  adore. 

Excelsior  ! 

"  Let  not  the  donkey's  bray  convince, 
Or  wolves  and  monkeys  hash  and  mince ; 
Let  not  the  cow  or  lowly  swine 
The  mole  and  hedgehog  undermine, 
Nor  other  quadrupeds  galore, 
Yea,  ten  or  twelve  or  even  more, 
That  bide  within  my  humble  store. 

Excelsior  ! 

"  This  is  no  time  to  launch  the  Ark, 
Or  stir  the  scaly,  slumbering  snark  ; 
To  shave  the  dog  or  shear  the  sheep, 
Or  wake  the  weasel  when  asleep, 


BLOWN  AWAY.  73 

Or  stay  the  chamois  in  his  leap, 
To  call  the  dentist  to  the  boar, 
Or  manicure  your  father  Noah. 

Excelsior  ! 

"  Lie  still  and  hear  the  jungle  breathe, 
And  watch  the  elephant  on  the  heath, 
The  ducks  and  flies  and  myriad  things, 
And  all  the  beasts  that  boast  of  wings. 
And  do  not  fool  with  tails  with  stings,  — 
The  snakes  and  scorpions  on  the  floor 
Are  not  on  speaking  terms  with  Noah. 

Excelsior  ! 

"  Look  here  and  there  and  everywhere, 
But  take  my  warning  and  beware,  — 
Yea,  look  your  fill  at  every  beast, 
Not  this  the  more  nor  that  the  least 
(The  price  is  low  and  vast  the  feast),  — 
Yet,  ah,  beware,  and  do  not  jaw 
The  an-i-mals  of  father  Noah  ! 

Excelsior!  " 

"  That's  very  nice,"  said  Beatrice ;  "  only 
I  don't  quite  understand  '  Excelsior.'  What 
does  it  mean  ?  " 


74  BLOWN  AWAY. 

Noah's  eyebrows  went  up  under  his  hat, 
and  appeared  after  a  while  under  his  chin. 
"  Excelsior,"  he  said,  "  is  etceteror,  or  so 
on  and  upwards.  When  you  say  excelsior, 
or  etceteror,  or  so  on  and  upwards,  you 
leave  a  great  deal  to  the  imagination, 
which  is  always  a  fine  thing  in  every 
thing. 

"  And  now,"  said  Noah,  spinning  round 
rapidly  on  his  base,  "  I  will  present  you  to 
the  animals.  There  are  fortunately  a  good 
many  of  the  genuine  ones  still  left.  At 
first  most  of  the  original  stock  was  on 
tour,  but  now  the  demand  for  the  manu 
factured  article,  or  fake,  is  so  great  that 
the  old  ones  are  falling  into  the  sere  and 
yellow  leaf,  which  is  the  best  I  can  afford, 
the  price  of  flesh  and  hay  being  so  high." 

"  Do  the  animals  ever  leave  the  Ark  ? " 
said  Beatrice.  "  I  thought  they  couldn't 
get  out  because  the  water  was  so  high." 

"  The  water  rates  are  high,"  answered 
Noah,  "  but  it  isn't  there  the  shoe  pinches. 
Of  course  they  travel.  The  Ark  has  been 
so  much  talked  about  that  people  desired 


GHIGANTICUM-TIETHGRATHORFUS, 


Do  NOT  HED 
HIM  "Pfft NUTS 


"  '  I    HAVE   TO    MANUFACTURE    BEASTS    TO 
SATISFY    THE    PEOPLE.'" 


BLOWN  AWAY.  77 

to  see  the  animals,  and  I  sent  out  several 
companies  under  the  management  of  my 
boys,  Shem,  Ham,  and  Japhet.  Perhaps 
you've  seen  some  of  them  ?  " 

"  I've  seen  a  circus,"  said  Jessie. 

"  That's  it,"  said  Noah.  "  It's  a  circus, 
that's  what  it  is,  —  but  let  that  pass.  Now 
the  people  are  no  longer  satisfied  with  one 
head  to  a  calf,  or  an  ordinary  face  on  a 
dog,  or  a  snake  of  common  proportions ; 
I  have  to  manufacture  beasts  to  satisfy 
the  people,  and  the  real  ones  stay  at 
home." 

"  Don't  they  get  tired  of  it  ? "  asked 
Beatrice. 

"  Tired  ?  Bless  you,  no  ;  we're  a  happy 
family.  We  play  cards,  and  have  dances 
and  private  theatricals,  and  read  books 
and  talk  about  one  another.  Perhaps,  if 
you  are  very  good  and  please  them,  you 
may  be  allowed  to  witness  one  of  our 
talented  entertainments.  But  walk  in, 
walk  in,  and  I'll  introduce  you,  if  you'll 
give  me  your  names,  which  I  think  you 
forgot  to  tell  me." 


78  BLOWN  AWAY. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  imparted  the  in 
formation,  and,  having  carefully  crossed 
a  plank  which  was  placed  over  the  gut 
ter,  Noah  rang  the  bell,  a  neat  maid 
opened  the  door,  Noah  hung  up  his  hat 
in  the  hall,  and  ushered  them  into  the 
Ark. 

"  Whom  have  we  here  ?  "  said  the  bear, 
walking  up  to  Noah  and  digging  him  in 
the  ribs.  "  Who  did  you  say,  eh  ?  " 

"  These  young  ladies,"  said  Noah,  "  are 
Miss  Beatrice  and  Miss  Jessie.  They 
have  come  to  call." 

"  H'm,"  said  the  bear,  "  I  don't  like  their 
looks.  Sit  down,  if  you  can  find  a  clean 
chair.  We  had  a  beastly  bad  dinner  to 
day,  and  I  don't  think  you'll  find  us  in  a 
very  good  temper." 

"  Speak  for  yourself,"  said  the  jackal. 

"  Forage  for  yourself,"  said  the  bear. 

"  He's  got  a  sore  head,"  said  the  bull. 

"  He's  got  a  thick  head,"  said  the  bear. 

"  If  you're  going  to  have  a  game  of 
repartee,"  said  the  elephant,  who  stood 
in  a  corner,  "  let  me  out." 


BLOWN  AWAY.  79 

"  He  always  says  that,"  said  the  bear. 
"  He  can't  get  out ;  he's  too  big." 

Just  then  a  bird  flew  in  through  the 
window,  and,  having  carefully  locked  away 
a  little  green  branch  in  a  drawer,  sidled 
up  to  Beatrice  and  Jessie,  and  said,  "  You 
think  I'm  a  dove,  don't  you  ?  Well,  I'm 
not.  I'm  a  pigeon.  The  dove  was  mar 
ried  long  ago,  and  lives  down  Kensington 
way." 

"  Aren't  you  the  dove  with  the  olive 
branch  ?  "  said  Beatrice. 

"  Everybody  thinks  I'm  a  dove,"  an 
swered  the  bird,  "but  I'm  not;  I'm  a 
pigeon.  A  new  olive  branch  every  day 
is  too  expensive,  —  the  one  I  use  is  arti 
ficial,  and  I  always  lock  it  up  in  a  drawer, 
or  some  beast  would  eat  it.  I  hide  it 
under  my  wing  when  I  go  out,  and  fly 
back  and  pretend  I've  found  it.  I  make 
three  trips  a  day.  I  always  interest  visit 
ors.  They  think  I'm  a  dove,  but  I'm  not; 
I'm  a  pigeon." 

"  If  you're  going  to  say  that  again," 
remarked  the  elephant,  "  let  me  out." 


8O  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  He  always  says  that,"  said  the  bear. 
"  He  can't  get  out ;  he's  too  big." 

"  My  name's  Jacob,"  said  the  jack 
daw. 

"  Don't  tell  that  bird  anything,"  said 
the  bear;  "he'll  repeat  it." 

"  When  is  a  door  not  a  door  ? "  asked 
the  wild  boar. 

"  The  boar  always  asks  riddles,"  said 
the  bear. 

"  Give  it  up?  "  asked  the  boar. 

"  If  you're  going  to  ask  riddles,"  said 
the  elephant,  "  let  me  out." 

"  When  it's  a  jackdaw,"  said  the  boar. 

"  I  love  domestic  felicity,"  remarked  the 
rabbit  to  the  hare.  "  Meander  with  me  in 
the  plaisance." 

"  I'm  henpecked,  that's  what  I  am,"  said 
the  hare. 

"No  unpleasant  reflections,  if  you  please," 
said  the  hen,  "  or  I'll  hurl  an  egg  at  you." 

"  She's  so  old  and  tough,"  said  the  calf, 
"  she  lays  hard-boiled  eggs." 

"  It's  not  true,"  said  the  hen.  "  They're 
soft-boiled,  —  only  three  minutes." 


BLOWN  AWAY.  8  I 

"  Oh,  dear !  "  said  the  lion,  yawning  and 
emitting  a  fearful  growl. 

"  Good  gracious  !  "  said  the  cat,  "  he's 
horribly  out  of  tune,  and  we're  so  musical, 

—  tune  him,  somebody." 

"  I'll  not  be  tuned,"  said  the  lion.  "  I 
don't  want  to  be  tuned ;  I  want  to  be 
amused." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  pig,  "  what  do  you 
say  to  supper  ?  " 

"  Oh,  if  you're  going  to  have  supper," 
said  the  elephant,  "  let  me  out." 

"  Couldn't  I  eat  these  two  young  ladies, 

—  pour   passer  le  temps  ? "    inquired  the 
lion. 

"  Not  for  the  world,"  said  Noah.  "  It 
would  kill  my  business.  You  can  have 
amateur  theatricals." 

"Very  well,"  said  the  lion,  "but  don't 
give  the  monkey  a  part." 

"  Am  I  scratched  ?  "  asked  the  monkey. 

"  You've  scratched  yourself,"  said  the 
lion. 

"  If  you're  going  to  have  private  the 
atricals,  let  me  out,"  said  the  elephant. 


82 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


"  He  always  says  that,"  said  the   bear. 
"  He  can't  get  out." 

"Who'll   be    leading   lady?"    said    the 
bulldog. 

"  I,"  said  the  little  deer ;   "  they   always 
like  me." 

"  I    am   much    better 
fitted  for  the  part,"  said 
the  cat.    "  I've  a 
higher  voice  and 


more  intelli 
gence,  and  I'm 
accustomed  to 
sit  up  late." 

"  This  way," 
said  Noah  to 
Beatrice  and 
Jessie.  "The 
performance  is  about  to  commence,  —  all 
the  fashionable  people  are  already  seated. 
This  way,  this  way."  And  Noah  con 
ducted  Beatrice  and  Jessie  to  two  lovely 
seats  lined  with  velvet. 

In  front  of  them  sat  the  King  of  Jum 
bles  and  the  Queen  of  Jumbles,  and  all 


BLOWN  AWAY.  83 

their  court,  composed  of  a  number  of  old 
ladies  with  feathers  in  their  hair  and  dia 
monds  and  rubies  sparkling  on  their  bare 
necks,  and  gentlemen  in  warming-pans 
and  dish  covers  on  their  torsos  and  coal 
scuttles  on  their  heads  so  highly  polished 
that  you  could  see  your  face  in  any  one  of 
them. 

The  boxes  were  occupied  by  other 
people,  —  kings  and  queens  and  princes, 
—  who  chattered  and  ate  ices,  and  ex 
hibited  themselves  to  the  common  people 
free  of  charge. 

Presently  the  bell  in  the  steeple  struck, 
and  it  was  quite  a  long  time  before  it 
could  be  persuaded  to  go  on.  Then 
the  orchestra  began  to  make  a  variety 
of  noises,  and  the  august  personages 
stuck  cotton-wool  in  their  ears  in  order 
not  to  hear  them,  but  when  it  played 
all  the  national  anthems  at  one  and 
the  same  time,  so  as  not  to  offend  any 
reigning  sovereign  on  earth,  the  people 
up-stairs  and  the  people  down-stairs  all 
rose  together  and  gave  three  cheers  for 


84  BLOWN  A  IV AY. 

nobody  in  particular  and  everybody  in 
general. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  glad  to  be  able 
to  gaze  for  half  an  hour  at  a  beautifully 
painted  curtain.  There  were  swans  in  a 
lake,  a  gondola,  a  palace  and  trees,  a  grey 
hound,  and  a  handsome  gentleman  in 
short  trousers  trimmed  with  lace  and  a 
hat  edged  with  feathers,  handing  a  lady 
in  a  long  bath-gown  down  a  staircase ; 
but  when  presently  the  curtain  rolled 
out  of  sight  and  they  beheld  a  row  of 
trees  painted  on  paper  on  each  side  of 
the  stage,  and  several  other  paper  trees 
stuck  about  here  and  there,  and  some 
more  trees  painted  on  a  large  piece  of 
paper  at  the  back,  with  a  lovely  round 
moon  that  stood  quite  still  and  shone  so 
brightly  that  it  hurt  their  eyes  to  look  at, 
they  screamed  with  delight. 

"  If  you  do  that  again,"  said  the  monkey, 
whom  the  jealousy  of  his  associates  had 
compelled  to  act  as  usher,  "  I  shall  have 
to  eject  you  !  " 

"  Can't  we  scream  ?  "  asked  Beatrice. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  85 

"  Certainly  not,"  replied  the  monkey. 
"  You're  disturbing  the  performance." 

"  It  hasn't  begun  yet,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Yes,  it  has,"  answered  the  monkey,  "  it 
begins  with  the  moon.  Look  at  your  pro 
gramme  ;  what  does  it  say  ?  " 

"  It  says,  'Moon  in  the  Forest,'  "  said  Jes 
sie,  who  could  read  with  great  rapidity. 

"  Well,  that's  it,"  affirmed  the  monkey  ; 
"  that's  the  moon  in  the  forest,  and  you 
mustn't  disturb  it." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Beatrice,  "  we  won't ; 
only  we  didn't  know  the  moon  was  so 
touchy." 

"  It  is,"  said  the  monkey;  "  I've  known 
it  to  leave  the  stage  and  refuse  to  play,  for 
a  mere  trifle." 

"  Quite  right,  too,"  said  Jessie.  "  I 
wouldn't  hold  the  moon  for  a  trifle." 

"  If  you  don't  keep  still,"  threatened  the 
monkey,  "  it  will  be  my  painful  duty  to 
eject  you."  And  with  this  he  walked  up 
the  aisle  with  great  dignity,  and  hung  by 
his  tail  from  the  balcony. 

"  If  the  usher  doesn't  stop  this  tomfool- 


86  BLOWN  AWAY. 

ery,"  remarked  the  cat,  who  had  just  made 
her  entrance  upon  the  stage,  "  I  shall  not 
act  any  more." 

The  cat  being  a  great  favorite,  the  audi 
ence  applauded,  and  when  silence  had  been 
restored,  she  scattered  some  sand  upon 
the  boards  and  danced.  The  monkey 
untied  his  tail,  and  asked  an  elderly  gen 
tleman,  who  had  fallen  asleep,  for  his 
ticket. 

"  In  this  sylvan  glade," 

said  the  cat,  smiling,  because  she  was  out 
of  breath, 

"  In  this  sylvan  glade, 
Where  zephyrs  chase  the  cow  — 

"  Talking  of  cows,"  said  the  cat,  "  re 
minds  me  of  the  fact  that  I  must  have  a 
little  milk.  In  the  meanwhile,  with  your 
kind  permission,  my  understudy  will  un 
dertake  my  part  at  a  moment's  notice, 
and  I  must  request  your  very  kind  in 
dulgence  for  her.  If  I  had  given  her  any 
time  for  preparation,  she  might  have  played 


BLOWN  AWAY.  87 

the  part  too  well,  and  you  will,  therefore, 
comprehend  that  she  is  entitled  to  every 
consideration.  Charity  begins  at  home." 
And  with  several  courtesies  the  pretty  cat 
retired  from  the  stage,  followed  by  a  burst 
of  applause  which  lasted  for  some  minutes. 
"  Whilst  Miss  Pussy  prepares  herself  to 
play  the  role  recently  performed  by  Mile. 
Tabbi,"  said  the  prompter,  "  I  have  the 
profound  honor  to  present  to  you  Mrs. 
Piggy  Wiggy,  the  great  manageress.  Mrs. 
Piggy  Wiggy,  ladies  and  gentlemen," 
continued  the  prompter,  whose  left  eye 
was  bandaged  with  a  scarlet  pocket-hand 
kerchief,  "  Mrs.  Piggy  Wiggy,  ladies  and 
gentlemen,  eats  everything.  She  is  a 
heroine ;  she  eats  paper,  ladies  and  gen 
tlemen,  and  those  among  you  who  have 
ever  eaten  paper  cannot  fail  to  be  aware 
of  its  tough  and  indigestive  qualities ! 
Ladies  and  gentlemen,  it  was  the  heroic 
determination  upon  the  part  of  Mrs.  Piggy 
Wiggy  not  to  be  outdone  by  her  rival, 
Mrs.  Nanny  Goat,  that  led  her,  in  the 
interests  of  art,  —  and  I  may  say  of  science, 


88  BLOWN  AWAY. 

—  to  devour  manuscripts,  bricks,  tin  cans, 
old  clothes,  boots  ;  and  furthermore,  ladies 
and  gentlemen,  fired  by  that  generous 
zeal  and  by  that  noble  emulation  which 
has  ever  been  the  striking  characteristic 
of  the  Piggy  Wiggy  family,  she  did  not 
pause  at  such  trifles.  No,  ladies  and  gen 
tlemen,  there  is  nothing  that  she  does  not 
try  to  eat,  nothing  that  she  cannot  eat, 
nothing  that  she  will  not  eat!  In  the 
self-sacrificing  devotion  to  art  and  liter 
ature  and  science,  Mrs.  Piggy  Wiggy, 
ladies  and  gentlemen,  has  become  ple 
thoric,  and  alas !  ladies  and  gentlemen, 
there  exists  a  fear  that  some  day  she  may 
burst ;  but  if  she  does "  (and  here  the 
prompter  rose  to  a  fine  height  of  patriotic 
enthusiasm),  "  if  she  does,  she  will  burst 
in  the  interests  of  art  and  literature  and 
science !  Before  introducing  the  great 
manageress,"  continued  the  prompter,  in 
a  confidential  tone,  "  I  have  to  say  that 
Mrs.  Piggy  Wiggy  is  of  an  amiable  dis 
position  unless  she  be  balked  in  her  desire 
to  eat  something.  I  trust,  therefore,  you 


MRS.    PIGGY    WIGGV. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  9! 

will  not  excite  Mrs.  Piggy  Wiggy  by 
refusing  to  permit  her  to  eat  anything 
in  the  audience  she  may  fancy.  Beyond 
this,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  you  may  de 
pend  upon  Mrs.  Piggy  Wiggy 's  amiable 
disposition  and  good-will." 

The  prompter  now  retired,  and  returned 
with  the  renowned  Mrs.  Piggy  Wiggy,  who 
was  costumed  as  "  The  Distressed  Mother," 
and  wore  a  miniature  portrait  of  herself  in 
medallion  upon  her  breast.  It  was  evi 
dent  to  Beatrice  and  Jessie  that,  although 
Mrs.  Piggy  Wiggy  smiled,  she  was  suffer 
ing  great  pain,  from  the  manner  in  which 
she  laid  her  hand  upon  the  vicinity  of  her 
heart,  and,  moreover,  she  was  so  fat  that 
her  neck  had  entirely  disappeared.  The 
audience,  greatly  awed  by  the  sight  of 
this  beautiful  Piggy  Wiggy,  forgot  to 
applaud,  and  Mrs.  Piggy  Wiggy,  having 
grunted  very  pleasantly,  trotted  gently  out 
of  sight. 

"  You  haven't  noticed  me,"  said  the 
camel,  who  had  posed,  shrouded  in  a 
black  cloak  and  a  broad-brimmed  hat, 


92 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


behind  a  tree.  "  It  proves  how  realistic 
I  am.  I  am  not  supposed  to  be  seen, 
but  still  you  ought  to  have  accorded  me 
a  reception  when  I  entered." 

The  audience  apolo 
gized,  and  the  play 
progressed.  The  camel 
resumed  his  effective 
pose  behind  a  tree. 

Mile.  Pussy,  covered 
with    blushes,     and     a 
pale    blue    ribbon    tied 
about  her  slender  neck 
and     a    delicate    azure 
bow  decorating  her  tail, 
stepped     diffidently    to 
the  foot-lights. 
"  This  lady,"  said  the  promp 
ter,    "has    been    imported   from 
France,    and    although    her    language    is 
foreign,  her  gestures  and  Grimaces  are  so 

o     *  o  o 

cosmopolitan  that  she  can  easily  be  un 
derstood  even  by  those  who  have  never 
studied  Ollendorf." 

Pussy  drew  on  a  pair   of   long   black 


BLOWN  AWAY.  93 

gloves,  which  nearly  reached  to  her  waist, 
and  slowly  closing  one  eye,  she  daintily 
placed  a  forefinger  upon  the  other,  and 
dealing  the  King  of  Jumbles  a  killing 
glance  from  the  thus  isolated  and  con 
centrated  orb,  she  sang: 

"  Quand  Villikins  se  promenait  dans  son  jardin 

un  matin, 
II  decouvrit  La  Belle  Dinah  etendue  sur  son 

chemin, 
Une  tasse  de  soupe  poisonnee  froide  dans  sa 

main 
Et  un  billet-doux  lisant  qu'elle  s'etait  suicidee 

bien. 

"  Le  corpus  rigide  il  1'embrassait  mille  fois  ; 
D'etre  separe  de  sa  Dinah  il  ne  1'endurait  pas  ; 
II  avalait  le  reste  de  la  soupe  execrable 
Et  fut  enterre  de  suite  avec  sa  Dinah  aimable. 

"  Entendez  bien  la  morale  de  ma  plainte  : 
D'un  amant  vulgeur  il   se   change  done  en 

saint, 
Et    pour   toute  demoiselle    que    se    tue    par 

amour, 
Qu'il  meurt  en  martyr  un  jeune  bel-homme 

toujours !  " 


94  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Hand  that  down  to  me,"  said  the 
schoolmaster,  sternly,  "  and,  after  I  have 
corrected  the  mistakes,  you  can  stay  in 
whilst  the  other  pupils  are  enjoying  their 
well-earned  holiday,  and  write  it  out  fifty 
times." 

"  If  you'll  let  me  try  again,"  pleaded 
poor  pussy,  with  tears  in  her  eyes,  "  I 
think  I  can  say  it  better." 

"  No,"  exclaimed  the  camel,  "  you  can't 
go  on  forever,  —  it  isn't  fair;  it's  my  turn 
next.  My  parents  and  all  my  friends 
are  in  the  house,  and  I  want  them  to  hear 
me." 

"  It's  a  topical  song,"  said  pussy,  sob 
bing  bitterly,  "  and  I  can  continue  as  long 
as  I  please." 

"  How's  that  ?  "  asked  the  camel,  appeal 
ing  to  the  prompter. 

"  Out,"  said  the  prompter,  and  poor 
little  Miss  Pussy  trotted  disconsolately 
away. 

The  camel,  who  was  suffering  with 
lumps,  came  forward  and  picked  up  the 
thread  of  the  forgotten  plot. 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


95 


"  Don't  touch  that !  "  cried  the  prompter, 
"  or  you'll  bring  down  the  curtain,  —  it  isn't 
time  yet." 

The    camel    retired,   and   resumed    his 


effective  pose  behind  the  tree.  A  long 
prolonged  roar  of  genuine  applause  now 
shook  the  house. 

"  Toby  or  not  a  Toby,"  said  the  orang 
outang,    sitting   down    and  gazing  medi- 


96  BLOWN  AWAY. 

tatively  at  a  pot  of  beer,  "  Toby  or  not 
a  Toby?" 

"  The  orang-outang,"  spoke  a  sad,  lone 
voice  close  to  Beatrice,  "  is  unable  to  play 
this  part  This  character  has  not  been  ad 
equately  interpreted  since  the  year  1611, 
when  a  stout  person  undertook  the  role 
in  England.  This  orang-outang  is  a 
common  and  repulsive  beast,  and  is  en 
tirely  incapable  of  comprehending  the 
delicate  distinction  of  a  Toby  that  is  a 
Toby,  and  a  Toby  that  is  not  a  Toby. 
Woe,  —  woe,  —  ha,  ha ! " 

"Why  do  you  say  'woe,  —  woe,  —  ha, 
ha '  ?  "  asked  Beatrice. 

"  Why,  why,"  said  the  sad,  lone  voice, 
"  because  —  " 

"  Because  what  ?  "  asked  Beatrice. 

"  Simply  because,"  answered  the  sad, 
lone  voice.  "  If  you  shut  your  eyes,  you 
can  see  what  I  see ;  if  you  open  your  eyes, 
you  will  see  nothing." 

"  That's  ridiculous,"  exclaimed  Beatrice. 

"  Woe,  woe,  ha,  ha !  "  spoke  the  sad,  lone 
voice. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  97 

"  Did  you  ever  know  any  one  so  pro 
voking  ?  What  does  '  woe,  woe,  ha,  ha ' 
mean,  and  why  do  you  say  it?" 

"Shall  I  tell  you,  — shall  I?  Shall  I 
shatter  your  dolls,  your  hobby-horses,  your 
flower-beds,  —  shall  I  ?  " 

"  You  can't,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Can't  ?  Can't  ?  Do  you  mean  cannot  ? 
Oh,  how  soon,  how  soon  ?  Woe,  woe,  ha, 
ha,  —  I  say  it  always,  ever,  forever,  this 
day,  next  day,  sometime,  never.  I  say  it 
because  what  is  woe  is  laughable,  and 
what  is  laughable  is  woe.  '  Woe,  woe,  ha, 
ha'  is  everything,  something,  all  things, 
nothing.  It's  the  pyramids.  It's  the 
sphinx!  " 

"  Are  you  aware,"  asked  the  monkey, 
"  that  you  are  disturbing  the  acting  ?  " 

The  sad,  lone  voice  fell  from  his  seat  to 
the  floor,  and  writhed  there  in  a  paroxysm 
of  laughter.  His  merriment  rolled  in  waves 
beneath  the  seats,  and  chilled  the  feet  of 
the  audience.  Shaking  then  the  dust  from 
his  loose  habiliments,  and  sweeping  the 
grizzled  locks  from  his  pale  and  thoughtful 


98  BLOWN  AWAY. 

forehead :  "  Acting  ?  Did  you,  did  you 
say  acting  ?  Did  you  ever  hear  me  ?  Can 
I  sit  here  and  realize  what  is  sizzling,  fiz 
zing,  and  whizzing  within  me,  and  then 
be  still?  Woe,  woe,  ha,  ha!  Only  me, 
and  nothing  more !  Little  children,  shall 
I  break  out  ?  Shall  I  unbud,  flower,  bloom  ? 
Shall  I?  It  is  smoldering,  —  shall  I  fan 
it  and  let  it  flame  ?  Acting  ?  Oh,  let  me 
not  laugh  again.  See !  I  rise,  I  am  rising, 
I  have  risen.  Only  me,  and  nothing  more. 
"  Empty  is  the  china  bowl,  —  the  spirit  flown 

forever  ; 
Let  the  bell  toll,  and  pretty  Poll  remove  the 

scraps  of  supper  ; 
Nectarian  pop,  hast  thou  no  drop  left  of  thy 

luscious  store  ? 
And  of  thy  cheer,  dear  bitter  beer,  is  there, 

alas  !  no  more  ? 
Come,  let  the  final  hie  be  hoc'd,  the  parting 

song  be  sung, 
A  paean  for  the  happiest  dead  that  ever  died 

so  young, 
And  coffee  black  and  call  a  hack,  and  charge 

it  to  the  thirsty  pack. 
So  young,  so  young,  so  young." 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


99 


"  If   you    talk  all   the   time,"   remarked 
Beatrice,  gazing  with  her  eyes  wide  open 
at  the  strange  creature  by  her  side,  "  how 
can    I    listen    to    the 
beautiful  play  ? " 

"  Listen  ?  oh,  lor  !  " 
said  the  strange,  sad 
voice.  "  Hear  her! 
Listen  ?  I  shall  die ; 
I  shall  fade  away;  I 
shall  disintegrate. 
Listen,  oh,  lor !  " 
And  the  sad,  elderly, 
lone  voice  sprang  up 
on  his  chair  and  ex 
ecuted  a  fierce,  wild, 
weird  dance ;  but  alas! 
having  touched  some 
hidden  spring  in  the 
mechanism  of  the 
seat,  it  suddenly  col 
lapsed,  and  enclosed  the  fallen  lone  one 
in  its  treacherous  grasp.  Beatrice  and 
Jessie  flew  to  his  assistance. 

"  Leave  me,"  gasped  the  sad,  lone  voice  ; 


IOO  BLOWAT  AWAY. 

"  this  torture  is  preferable  to  listening ; 
leave  me,  and  let  my  bleached  and  man 
gled  bones  be  found  — "  But  Beatrice 
and  Jessie  would  hear  no  more,  and 
dragged  the  old  gentleman  from  his  per 
ilous  situation. 

"Once  upon  a  time,"  said  he,  "when 
I  was  a  little  thing  like  you,  a  head 
of  lettuce,  a  sprout,  a  bud,  I  did  lis 
ten, —  but  now,  —  oh,  children,  is  it  in 
your  tender  hearts  to  scoff  at  my  gray 
hairs?" 

A  heavy  flood  of  tears  choked  his  utter 
ance,  and  flowed  from  the  strange  one's 
eyes.  Taking  off  his  watch  and  chain, 
removing  his  boots,  his  hat,  his  coat,  and 
waistcoat,  he  carefully  enclosed  them  in 
a  neat  brown  paper  parcel,  which  he 
despatched  by  a  messenger  boy  to  his 
home ;  then  raising  his  sweet  voice,  he 
sang: 

"  Once  upon  an  evening  dreary,  when  I  felt  a 

little  queerly, 

Over  many  a  quaint  and  curious  vintage  of 
my  precious  store, 


BLOWN  AWAY.  IOI 

While   I    nodded,   nearly   napping,    suddenly 

there  came  a  tapping, 
As  of  some  one  gently  rapping,  rapping  at 

my  chamber  door. 
'  'Tis  the  janitor,'  I  muttered,  'tapping  at  my 

chamber  door.' 

Only  it,  and  nothing  more. 

Indistinctly  I  remember  it  was  in  the  bleak 

December, 
And  some  moons  were  casting  shadows  round 

about  the  swaying  floor 
As  I  waited  for  the  morrow  with  a  sort  of 

sick'ning  horror,  — 
For  in  vain  I'd  sought  to  borrow,  borrow  just 

a  trifle  more 
From  that  rare  and  radiant  angel  whom  we 

mortals  call  Old  Claw,  — 

Only  that,  and  nothing  more. 

1  Then  again  there  fell  a  tapping,  and  a  louder, 

louder  rapping, 
And  at  last  a  cannonading  and  bombarding  of 

the  door, 
Till    I    threw   my  gown   around   me,   and   I 

asked  what  may  that  sound  be  ? 


IO2  'BLOWN  AWAY. 

It   has   a  voice  familiar  which  I  think  I've 

heard  before. 
And  raging  at  the  shadows,  I  anath'matized 

Old  Claw ! 

Only  that,  and  plenty  more. 

"  It  was  vain  to  seek  to  slumber  or  to  shake 

off  care  and  cumber 
While  the  enemy  was   peering  through  the 

crevice  of  my  door, 
So  on   tiptoe   I    stole   slyly,  and   I   squirted 

some  ink  spryly 
Through  the  keyhole  in  the  eyehole  of  the 

phantom  at  my  door  ; 
And  the  voice  that   swiftly  sounded  had  a 

baleful,  hateful  roar, 

And,  I  greatly  fear,  it  swore. 

"  Now  the   shadows  they  moved  faster   as   I 

danced  and  pranced  with  laughter 
At  the  picture  I  created  in  my  fancy  at  the 

door ; 
And,  with  mockish  rev'rence  bowing  to  the 

wind  that  flowed  in  soughing, 
I  bent  my  body  double  as  I  opened  wide  the 
door, 


BLOWN  AWAY.  1 03 

As  I  stood  aside  to  welcome  at  my  chamber 
drear  Old  Claw,  — 

Only  he,  and  what  he  wore. 

;  He   popped  in,  and  he  hopped   in,  and   he 
spluttered  and  he  stuttered, 

And  the  darkness  of  his  figure  seemed  e'en 
blacker  than  before ; 

And  he  mumbled,  and  he  grumbled,  and  then 
he  deftly  tumbled 

In  a  chair  that  I  had  placed  with  grave  in 
tention  on  the  floor  ; 

And  this  article  of  comfort  lacked  a  claw  and 
nothing  more,  — 

Only  this,  and  nothing  more. 

Then  hideous  rose  the  laughter,  and  it  shook 

the  roof  and  rafter, 
As  the  moonlight  bathed  the  figure  sprawling 

prone  upon  the  floor. 
There  it  squirmed  in  curious  fashion  like  a 

crawfish  in  a  passion, 
Moving  hither,  thither,  thither,  hither,  with 

its  tentacles  galore  ; 
And  in  vain  I  sought  to  flee  them,  but  they 

sprang  out  more  and  more,  — 

And  they  seemed  to  be  fourscore. 


IO4  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Now  my  joy  was  turned   to   sighing,  and  I 
well-nigh  came  to  crying, 

For,  exhausted,  it  had  chased  me  to  a  cup 
board  by  the  door, 

And  the  hideous  thing  was  crawling,  and  its 
sightless  suckers  mawling 

All  my  Lares  and  Penates,  yea,  the  dearest 
of  my  store ; 

For  each   hairy  creeper   ended  in  a  vicious 
beaklike  paw,  — 

Something  kin  to  hand  and  claw. 

"  All    around    the    chamber    ranging,    it    was 

changing,  changing,  changing, 
Now  to  this  thing,  then  to  that  thing,  each 

more  dreadful  than  before. 
Here  a  child's  face  sweetly  hideous,  there  a 

woman's  smile  insidious, 
With  a  jaded,  faded  beauty,  ah  !  most  pite- 

ously  forlore ! 
Then  a  thousand  pleading  faces,  ever  more 

and  more  and  more. 

More  and  more  for  ever  more. 

« 

"  Yet,  with  one  hand,  groping  blindly,  I  now 
sought  to  pat  it  kindly, 


BLOWN  AWAY.  105 

For    my  folly    was    egregious,    but    imagine 
what  I  saw  : 

To  placate  it,  or  to  sate  it,  —  or  to  excom 
municate  it,  — 

I   would  gladly  pledge  my  honor,  which   is 
worth  a  moidore, 

Or  in  any  way  to  force  it  to  the  outside  of 
my  door,  — 

Where  I  much  prefer  a  bore. 

"  Since  I  failed  with  my  caresses,  I  bethought 
me  of  addresses, 

And  with  eloquence  impassioned  I  uprose  to 
take  the  floor ; 

And  my  nice  articulation  with  my  best  gesti 
culation 

I  conjoined  in  an  oration  I  proceeded  to  out 
pour, 

And  the  Octopus  retreated  and  said,  plead 
ingly,  '  No  more,'  - 

Only  this,  and  nothing  more. 

"  Still  he  boiled  and  coiled  and  fluttered,  and 

he  lived  and  thrived  and  uttered, 
And  I  suddenly  bethought  me  of  the  many 
songs  of  yore, 


IO6  BLOWN  AWAY. 

And  that  if  I  sang  them  quaintly,  how  soon 

he  would  a  saint  be 
Whose  iniquities  were  squirming  in  that  mass 

upon  the  floor ; 
And  I  sang,  and  sang  them  blithely,  till  he 

writhed  and  cried,  '  No  more,'  - 
Only  that  and  nothing  more. 

"  Though  his  grasp  was  now  much  lighter,  still 
I  feared  it  might  grow  tighter 

On  the  many  things  of  value  that  I  treasured 
in  my  store. 

I    perceived   that  he  was    numbing,   though 
whenever  I  ceased  humming 

He  at  once  did  look  about  him  with  the  wis 
dom  of  before, 

And  I  then  determined  briefly  he  must  die 
for  ever  more,  — 

Yes  for  ever,  ever  more. 

"  Now,  because  I  am  a  sinner,  I  had  once  been 

asked  to  dinner 
By  a  gen'ral  who  was  Rated,  sar,  some  time 

befaw  de  war. 
I  bethought  me  of  his  story,  that  was  flaccid, 

stale,  and  hoary, 


BLOWN  AWAY.  IO/ 

Which  the  Octopus  for  sartain,  sar,  had  never 

heard  befaw,  — 
And  I  told  de  gen'ral's  story  of  de  time  befaw 

de  war. 

And  I  told  it  ever  more. 

"  Yes,  for  ever,  ever  more,  yes,  for  ever,  ever, 
ever,  ever,  ever,  ever  more." 

"  Will  you  be  quiet !  "  said  Beatrice. 
"  Never,"  answered  the  sad,  lone  voice, 
and  carolled  : 

"  Oh,  curse  not  the  Bard  if  he  fly  to  the  Jayers, 
Where    Blower   lies,    carelessly  sneering   at 

Fame, 
He   belongs    to    the  worthy  communion    of 

Stayers, 
And  cannot  break  off  at  this  stage  of   the 

game. 

"The  tongue  that  now  oscillates  loose  in  the 
liar, 

Must  have  swept  a  proud  thrill  thro'  the  re 
gions  of  Art 

And  the  lip  that  now  echoes  the  song  of  the 
mire, 

Might  have  hallowed  his  name  in  a  parent's 
fond  heart." 


IO8  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Oh,  do  keep  still,"  implored  Beatrice, 
diving  deep  down  into  her  pocket,  and  extri 
cating  from  its  meshes  a  chocolate  cara 
mel,  misshapen  perhaps,  and  covered  with 
a  fuzzy  growth,  but  still  a  caramel.  "  Take 
that,  do,"  said  the  sweet  girl,  as  the  sad, 
lone  voice  manifested  some  reluctance  to 
rob  her  of  her  treasure.  "  Do,  I'm  sure 
you'll  feel  better,  —  I  always  do." 

The  sad,  lone  voice  accepted  the  cara 
mel,  popped  it  into  his  mouth,  and  under 
its  soothing  influence  sank  into  a  deep 
and  refreshing  slumber. 

"  I  should  like,"  remarked  the  lion,  who 
had  in  the  meanwhile  appeared  upon  the 
stage  in  an  Elizabethan  costume,  "  I 
should  like  to  have  the  lights  turned  on 
a  little  higher." 

"The  gas  bill  is  too  high,"  said  Mrs. 
Piggy  Wiggy  from  the  wings  ;  "  and  more 
over,  this  scene  is  played  by  moonlight  to 
save  the  candles." 

"  That  doesn't  affect  me,"  said  the  lion. 
"  The  moon  is  shining  on  my  back,  and  the 
audience  must  see  the  expression  of  my 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


ICQ 


face.       I'm   going    to   show  them   a   new 
expression  presently." 

"  Very  well,"  said   the  prompter ;   "  but 
you'll  spoil  the  moon." 

"  If  you  do,"  said  the  elephant,  "  I'll  take 
the  moon  away." 

"  All  right,"  replied  the 
lion.  "  I  can  do  with 
out  it.  What's  the 
use  of  moons  and 
things  ?  I  can  do 
without  them;  I  can 
do  without  anything. 
Expression's  what 
you  want ! '' 

The  audience  gave 
three  cheers,  and  the 
play  progressed. 

"  I  hope  you  all  understand," 
said  the  lion,  "  that  I  am  the  villain  of 
the  play.  Not  because  I  am  naturally 
cruel  or  vicious,  but  because  it's  the  best 
part  in  the  piece,  and  affords  me  greater 
opportunities  to  divulge  my  powers.  I'm 
really  very  gentle  and  kind-hearted,  and 


IIO  BLOWN  AWAY. 

you  ought  to  admire  me  very  much  for 
appearing  to  be  so  bad.  With  these  few 
words  of  explanation,  I  shall  proceed,  and 
I  trust  I  shall  not  be  interrupted  again. 
Where  is  the  lamb  ?  " 

"  Here,"  bleated  the  lamb. 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  lion  ;  "  don't  paint 
your  face  too  heavily,  and  have  your  hair 
cut." 

"  I  can't  play  tragedy  without  long  wool," 
complained  the  lamb. 

"  You  can  shave  and  wear  a  wig,"  de 
cided  the  lion. 

"  Silence!  silence  !  "  echoed  the  monkey. 
"  Silence  in  the  gallery,  or  I'll  come  up 
stairs  and  crack  some  nuts." 

All  the  little  boys  in  the  gallery  hung 
breathless  over  the  railing  as  the  lion  took 
the  centre  of  the  stage  and  declaimed  * 

"  In  yonder  glade, 
Beneath  the  shade, 
Where  ne'er  a  spade 
Has  turned  a  blade, 
A  winsome  maid, 
Of  lofty  grade, 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


Ill 


As  tall  and  staid 

As  e'er  was  made, 

Is  but  a  jade, 

With  garments  frayed, 
And  bills  unpaid. 
She'll  fail  and  fade, 
Unless  arrayed. 
Therefore,  some  knight, 
A  lucky  wight 
With  coin  bright, 
Must  win  the  fight. 
And  win  he  will 
Who  pays  the  bill, 
And  I  will  pay  that  bill 

to-day. 

Oh,  I,  her  suitor, 
I  hope  I'll  suit  her,  — 

"  You're  gagging," 
said  the  prompter. 

"  Yes,"     said     the 
author,  from   an    upper  box,  "don't  take 
liberties  with  my  text." 

"  I  shall ! "  roared  the  lion.     "  Give  me 
liberty,  or  give  me  death  !  " 

The  sad,  lone  voice  moved  uneasily  in 
his  seat,  and  murmured  in  his  sleep. 


112  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  That  was  a  long  speech,"  remarked 
the  King  of  Jumbles. 

"  If  you  don't  like  it,"  said  the  lion, 
"  you  can  have  your  money  back ;  but 
you've  no  right  to  disturb  the  people  who 
are  asleep." 

"  Well,  I'll  try  it  a  little  longer,"  said 
the  King. 

"Just  what  I'm  going  to  do,"  said  the 
lion,  as  he  continued : 

"  A  vicious  bear 
In  yonder  lair 
Hath  laid  a  snare 
For  her  so  fair. 
That  bear  I  dare 
To  touch  a  hair  — 

"  Here  the  bear  should  interrupt  me 
with  a  hideous  growl !  " 

"  I  did,"  expostulated  the  bear. 

"  I  didn't  hear  you,"  said  the  lion. 

"  Very  well,"  acquiesced  the  bear,  "  I'll 
do  it  again  :  '  Er-r-r-r  — ' 

"  A  little  more  emphasis,  please,"  said 
the  lion. 

"  Er-r-r-r-r,"  growled  the  bear. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  113 

"  I  don't  think  your  elocution  is  good," 
remarked  the  lion,  "but  let  that  pass, — 
where  was  I  ?  " 

"Just  after  the  growl,  please,"  replied 
the  prompter. 

"  Ah,  yes,"  said  the  lion,  lighting  a 
cigarette : 

"  I  hear  his  roar, 
But  ere  his  jaw 
Can  yawn  once  more, 
His  blood  shall  pour 
Upon  the  floor  — 
Upon  the  floor  — 
Upon  the  floor  — 

"  How  many  times,"  asked  the  lion, 
sitting  down,  "  how  many  times  am  I  to 
say  '  upon  the  floor  ? '  That's  your  cue, 
and  you  ought  to  spring  upon  me  from 
behind  that  lamp-post." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  said  the  bear, 
"  but  I  was  playing  penny-ante  with  the 
tom-cat ;  where  were  you  ?  " 

"  Upon  the  floor,"  said  the  lion. 

"  I  know,"  said  the  bear,  "  but  where 
were  you  ? " 


I  1 4  BLOWN  A  WA  Y. 

"  Upon  the  floor,"  said  the  lion. 

"  Yes,  yes,"  said  the  bear, "  but  where  —  " 

"  It's  the  cue,"  said  the  prompter ;  "  up 
on  the  floor." 

"  Oh,"  said  the  bear,  "  I  see,  —  now  I 
jump."  And  the  bear  jumped. 

"  Don't  jump  in  front  of  me,"  said  the 
lion  ;  "  they  can't  see  me." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  meekly  replied 
the  bear.  "  I  was  carried  away  by  my 
part." 

"  Don't  let  it  carry  you  in  front  of  me 
again,"  answered  the  lion. 

"  What,  ho  !  I  fear 
This  villain  here ! 
This  loathsome  beast !  " 

roared  the  bear. 

"  Stop !  "  said  the  lion,  "  you  interpolated 
that  last  line  !  " 

"  How's  that,  prompter  ?  "  appealed  the 
bear. 

"  He's  gone  out  to  luncheon,"  said  the 
call  boy. 

"  If  we  can't  have  fair  play,"  said  the 


BLOWN  AWAY. 

lion,  "it's   no   use   playing,  —  it   isn't   ar 
tistic  ! " 

"  Bah  !  "  said  the  bear. 

"  Boo  !  "  said  the  lion. 

"  I'll  have  no  quarrelling,"  said  Noah. 

"  My  hated  rival  "  (said  the  lion),  "  I  will  away  ! 
To-morrow  you  shall  die  at  break  of  day. 
The  time  has  come  when  you  shall  cease  to 

scoff ; 
I'll  wed  the  maid  you  love,  ha,  ha,  and  off." 

"  '  Ha,  ha,  and  off,'  "  said  the  prompter, 
"  is  only  a  stage  direction.  You  shouldn't 
have  said  it." 

"  It  doesn't  say  so,"  said  the  lion. 

"  But  you  did,"  replied  the  prompter. 

"  I  said  so,"  said  the  lion,  "  and  I  can't 
play  any  more.  I've  just  received  a  letter 
from  my  mother,  and  she's  not  feeling 
well,  and  she  wishes  me  to  return  home ; 
therefore,  you'll  have  to  excuse  me." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  prompter. 

"  Ah,  you  are  there,"  said  Miss  Tabby, 
who  was  dressed  in  a  divided  skirt,  be 
cause  she  had  given  half  of  it  to  her  sister. 


I  1 6  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Ah,  you  are  there,  my  dearest,  dearest  surr  ; 
Ah,  let  me  perch  upon  your  knee  and  purr  ; 
Ah,  let   me   stroke  your  whiskers  with   my 

cheek ; 

Ah,  let  me  squat  upon  my  knees  and  squeak  ; 
Ah,  let  me  sigh  and  simper,  droop  my  head, 
And  throw  myself  in  tears  upon  my  bed ; 
Ah,  let  me  coax  and  cozzen,  kiss  and  tease  ;  — 
Or  anything  you  please  to  please  to  please." 

"  I  do  not  understand  the  plot,"  said 
the  King  of  Jumbles. 

"  There  isn't  any,"  said  Mrs.  Piggy 
Wiggy ;  "  there  isn't  any,  and  you  mustn't 
interrupt  it,  —  we  don't  want  plots.  You've 
received  a  souvenir  programme,  haven't 
you  ? " 

"  Yes,"  said  the  King. 

"Well,  that's  all,"  said  Mrs.  Piggy 
Wiggy. 

"  Is  it  over  ?  "  asked  the  sad,  lone  voice, 
waking  up  with  a  start.  "Is  it ?  Thank 
goodness  gracious  I  have  done  my  duty 
and  I  may  depart,  —  I  have  been  here  and 
I  may  go.  I  have  seen  nothing  and  heard 
nothing,  and  it  is  over.  Shut  your  eyes 


BLOWN  AWAY. 

and  you  will  see  what  I  see ;  open  them 
and  you  will  see  nothing.  Woe,  —  woe,  — 
ha,  ha ! "  And  gradually,  before  the  very 
eyes  of  Beatrice  and  Jessie,  this  strange 
being  dissolved  into  tears ;  a  tiny  rivulet 
flowing  swiftly  up  the  centre  aisle  was  all 
their  astonished  gaze  beheld.  Yet  even  as 
the  stream  rippled  over  the  floor  its  fleeting 
spirit  murmured,  "  Woe, — woe, — ha,  ha !  " 
and  the  very  benches  reechoed  on  either 
hand,  "  Woe,  —  woe,  —  ha,  ha  !  " 

"  It  is  time,"  said  Noah,  taking  a  birch 
rod  out  of  his  pocket,  "  to  go  to  school." 

"  Everybody  must  stand  up  when  I 
come  in,"  said  the  schoolmaster.  "  Any 
body  who's  brought  me  something  may  go 
up  top ;  all  the  boys  and  girls  who  haven't 
brought  me  anything,  may  go  down  bot 
tom." 

"  Please,  sir,"  said  the  lean  boy,  "  the  fat 
boy  is  stealing  my  apples." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  schoolmaster, 
"  since  you  have  been  foolish  enough  to 
lose  your  apples,  you  can't  have  them,  and 
since  the  fat  boy  has  acquired  them  dis- 


Il8  BLOWN  AWAY. 

honestly,  he  can't  enjoy  them.  Lay  them 
on  my  desk.  It  is  an  ill  wind,"  moralized 
the  schoolmaster,  "  that  blows  nobody 
anything.  I  will  ask  the  fat  boy  to  re 
cite  a  poem,  and  he  must  stand  on  the 
form." 

The  fat  boy  wept. 

"  Dry  your  tears,"  said  the  schoolmas 
ter  ;  "  it's  only  a  matter  of  form." 

The  fat  boy  climbed  on  to  the  bench, 
and  having  withdrawn  his  fists  from  his 
pockets  and  squeezed  them  into  his  eyes, 
extended  his  mouth  to  its  utmost  and  re 
cited  with  much  feeling  the  following  sim 
ple  lines : 

"  Maid  of  Fashions,  ere  I  start, 
Give,  oh,  give  me  back  my  tart ; 
Or,  since  that  is  in  your  chest, 
Keep  it  now,  and  take  my  vest ; 
You're  my  Annie,  I'm  your  Joe, — 
Zoedone.     Sapolio." 

"  Where  is  Greece  ? "  said  the  school 
master. 

"  On  my  pinafore,"  said  the  pale  girl. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  1 19 

"  Does  anybody  here  know  anything  ?  " 
inquired  the  schoolmaster. 

"  No !  "  replied  all  the  boys  and  girls  in 
unison. 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  schoolmaster, 
"  that  is  why  I  am  here ;  that  is  what  I 
am  paid  for.  If  I  told  you  anything 
you'd  know  it,  and  then  I'd  have  to 
leave.  What's  the  capital  of  England  ?  " 

"  Money,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Right !  "  said  the  schoolmaster,  "  but 
you  shouldn't  have  said  so ;  it's  silly  to 
give  it  away.  Who  has  a  clean  pocket- 
handkerchief  ? " 

"  Nobody,"  said  everybody. 

"  I'm  sorry,"  reflected  the  schoolmaster, 
with  a  sigh ;  "  I  was  going  to  beat  the 
boy  with  a  clean  pocket-handkerchief, 
and  I  am  sadly  in  need  of  exercise. 
The  thin  girl  may  recite  while  I  take  a 
nap." 

The  thin  girl  rose  and  rose  and  rose 
until  she  reached  the  ceiling,  and  recited 
to  the  harmonious  accompaniment  of  an 
accordion  played  by  the  fat  boy: 


120 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


"  O  Jimmy  boy,  why  kiss  a  toy, 
When  Polly  sits  a-weeping  ? 
And  all  about  a  Jimmy  lout,  — 
Be  up,  for  time  is  fleeting ! 
If  eyes  are  red  and  lips  do  pout, 
You  ought  to  cure  the  sorrow ; 
Do  you  believe  that  she  will 

grieve, 

My  lad,  for  you,  to-morrow  ? 
Ah,  never  let  a  tear-drop  fall 
That  Jimmy  does  not  treasure, 
So  foil  de  roll  and  dance  with 

Poll,  - 
She  says  she  will,  with  pleasure." 


BLOWN  AWAY.  121 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  concluded  that  this 
was  an  amiable  invitation  to  leave  the 
schoolroom,  and  donning  their  waterproofs, 
as  it  was  raining,  and  carefully  strapping 
their  lunch  tins  over  their  shoulders,  and 
with  still  greater  care  hiding  their  school- 
books  where  they  would  never  find  them 
again,  they  hastened  out  of  the  schoolhouse. 

A  wild  burst  of  alarm  startled  the  wel 
kin  as  the  two  children  realized  that  dur 
ing  their  foolish  absence  in  the  Ark  the 
water  had  risen  mountain  hi^h  all  around 

O 

them,  and  that  unless  some  steamer  or 
sailing  vessel  came  without  delay  to  their 
rescue,  they  would  immediately  be  drowned. 
For  days  they  strained  their  eyes  until 
they  were  nearly  broken,  searching  the 
scorched  horizon  for  a  vessel.  There  was 
water,  water  everywhere,  but  they  didn't 
care  to  drink  it.  Hunger  visited  them, 
but  they  said  they  were  out.  Sleep  re 
fused  to  close  their  weary  eyelids,  and 
their  chilled  limbs  turned  different  colors, 
—  which  was  the  only  kaleidoscopic  enter 
tainment  they  enjoyed. 


122 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


At    last,    one    day   Jessie    turned    red, 
white,  and  blue. 

"  A  flag !  a  flag !  "  cried  Beatrice.      "  A 
British  ship.     Sail,  ho  !  sail,  ho  !  "  and  sank 
back,  exhausted,  on  the  raft. 

The  ship  hove  in  sight 
upon  the  offing, 
in  the  very  nick 
of  time.  One 
moment  more 
and  all  would 


««-  have  been  over, 

and  this  stirring 
narrative  ended.  Beatrice 
and  Jessie  had  opened 
their  last  box  of  sardines 
and  drank  their 
^  xrW  last  bottle  of 
warm  milk. 
Nothing  now  remained  but  some  jars  of 
Boston  baked  beans. 

Nearer  and  nearer  approached  the  ship. 
Would  she  see  them,  and  if  so,  how  ?  Was 
there  a  watch  on  the  forecastle,  and,  if  so, 
was  it  going  ? 


BLOWN  AWAY. 

The  approaching  vessel  suddenly  sighted 
them,  and  recklessly  throwing  its  head  up 
into  the  wind,  she  lay  rocking  gently,  as  if 
at  anchor,  whilst  the  captain,  who  was  sit 
ting  in  the  crow's  nest,  sang  a  lullaby. 

A  boat  was  lowered  from  the  davits  and 
rowed  towards  them,  but  the  tension  had 
been  too  great ;  hope  had  been  deferred 
too  long ;  with  a  little  gasp,  they  fell  back, 
inanimate,  upon  the  floe  of  ice  that  had 
carried  them  thus  far. 

It  was  years  when  they  awoke.  It 
seemed  but  a  day,  —  an  hour.  With 
difficulty  they  gathered  their  scattered 
senses.  Where,  —  where  were  they  ?  The 
creaking  of  timbers,  the  groans  of  the  cord 
age,  the  green  swirl  of  the  waters  against 
the  small  round  port  over  their  berth, — 
and  the  horrible  truth  dawned  upon  them ; 
and  by  some  mutual  impulse,  indefinable, 
but  none  the  less  irresistible,  they  cried, 
"  Steward  !  steward !  " 

How  long  they  might  have  remained 
in  this  situation,  it  is  impossible  to  say. 


124  BLOWN  AWAY. 

They  might  have  been  there  still,  had  not 
the  steamer  by  some  curious  chance  ar 
rived  somewhere. 

"  Where  are  we  ? "  said  Beatrice  and 
Jessie  to  the  captain. 

As  the  captain  does  not  concern  us, 
and  will  play  no  important  part  in  this 
narrative,  it  will  perhaps  be  as  well  to 
waste  a  few  moments  upon  the  description 
of  a  man  who  cannot  possibly  interest  us. 
The  captain  was  perhaps  rather  under 
than  over-sized,  although  his  great  breadth 
of  girth,  combined  with  an  unusual  pro 
tuberance,  imparted  more  the  appearance 
of  obesity  than  of  strength.  His  lower 
limbs,  in  direct  contrast  to  his  upper  spars, 
were  chiselled  down  to  mere  shavings, 
whilst  his  features  were  so  beaten  and 
battered  by  wind  and  storm  as  to  be  un 
recognizable.  Upon  his  bald  head,  and 
in  order  to  afford  it  that  protection  which 
nature  had  denied  it,  he  wore  a  night 
cap  ;  and  one  arm  hung  limp  in  its  sleeve, 
it  having  been  lost  in  a  battle  with  the 
Turks,  and  to  the  elbow  was  attached  an 


BLOWN  AWAY.  12$ 

iron  hook,  with  which  the  captain  could 
read,  write,  and  arithmetic.  By  common 
consent,  any  reference  on  board  ship  to 
the  painful  occasion  upon  which  the  cap 
tain's  arm  took  its  hook  was  avoided. 
Such  was  the  captain  of  the  Corsair,  a 
ninety-nine  hundred  gun  frigate  of  the 
fifth  form  or  class. 

But  we  have  wandered  from  our  tale. 
When  Beatrice  and  Jessie  asked  the  cap 
tain  where  they  were,  he  opened  his  mouth 
and  shivered. 

"  Are  you  cold  ?  "  asked  Beatrice. 

"  Silly,"  said  the  captain,  "  did  you  never 
hear  that  I  am  compelled  to  shiver  my 
timbers  before  I  can  answer  any  ques 
tion  ?  But  let  that  pass."  The  captain 
rolled  a  quid  of  tobacco  in  his  mouth, 
and  cast  his  eye  to  windward. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  expostulated,  but 
the  deed  was  done. 

"  We  are,"  said  the  captain,  "  on  the 
Spanish  main,  where  rich  treasure-ships 
are  far  more  plentiful  than  apples  or 
oranges." 


126  BLOWN  A  WA  Y. 

At  this  moment,  the  lookout  reported  a 
strange  sail  to  leeward. 

"  The  fact  that  we  are  raising  that  ship, 
hand  over  hand,  and  that  we  sail  two  feet 
to  her  one,  proves  conclusively  that  we 
are  the  faster  of  the  two." 

It  was  with  such  reasonings  as  these 
that  the  captain  maintained  the  discipline 
of  his  crew,  and  retained  the  respect, — 
nay,  the  reverence  of  his  men. 

"  Look  out  below,"  cried  the  captain. 

"  Aye,  aye,  sir,"  answered  the  cabin  boy. 

"  How  many  bells  is  it  ?  " 

"  Ten,  sir,"  said  the  cabin  boy. 

"  Deduct  two,"  said  the  captain,  "  and 
pipe  all  hands  to  dinner." 

"  Deduct  one  more,"  said  the  first  luff, 
"  and  we'll  take  a  drink." 

The  captain,  who  was  a  person  of  an 
amiable  disposition,  assented ;  the  boat 
swain  struck  seven  bells,  and  all  hands 
having  gone  below,  soon  no  sound,  other 
than  the  agreeable  gurgle  of  liquids  in 
transmission,  disturbed  the  soporific  still 
ness  of  the  summer  air. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  I2/ 

"  Have  you  ever  been  engaged  ? "  said 
the  powder-monkey  to  Beatrice. 

"  Never,"  answered  Beatrice,  indignantly. 
(Five  of  her  blown-away  sisters  had  been 
engaged  to  the  same  boy,  and  the  question 
awakened  painful  memories.) 

"Well,  then,  you're  likely  to  be,"  said 
the  powder-monkey.  "  That  Spanish  Don 
is  an  enemy  of  mine,  and  we're  going  to 
have  a  battle." 

"  I  don't  see  how  that  concerns  me," 
answered  Beatrice. 

"  Oh,  don't  you  ? "  said  the  powder- 
monkey.  "  You'll  see  pretty  soon,  when 
yonder  Don  runs  athwart  your  hawse,  and 
fires  a  broadside  into  your  bread-locker." 

No  doubt  the  powder-monkey  would 
have  continued  in  this  strain  for  some 
time,  had  not  the  admiral  of  the  fleet 
signalled  to  the  Corsair  for  the  powder- 
monkey  to  go  below  and  stop  talking,  as 
the  admiral  wished  to  have  a  nap  previous 
to  inditing  a  poem  before  the  battle. 

The  powder-monkey  stole  carefully  for 
ward,  and  having  stealthily  raised  his  nose 


128  BLOWN  AWAY. 

above  the  rim  of  the  bulwark,  he  lifted  the 
thumb  of  his  right  hand  with  great  pre 
cision  to  that  feature,  and  signalled  the 
admiral  his  passive  and  polite  acquies 
cence.  He  then  threw  off  his  coat,  kicked 
off  his  boots,  and  dived  below.  This 
manoeuvre  was  not  executed  a  moment 
too  soon,  for  barely  had  he  disappeared 
before  a  round  shot,  whistling  through 
the  rigging,  took  off  the  very  place  where 
his  head  would  have  been.  A  jeering 
laugh  resounded  from  the  hold. 

The  deck  steward  brought  Beatrice  and 
Jessie  a  couple  of  deck  chairs  and  two 
basins  of  beef  tea.  Also,  two  agreeable 
young  men  wrapped  their  little  feet  up  in 
nice  warm  rugs. 

"  Is  there  any  danger?"  asked  Jessie. 

"  None  whatever,"  replied  the  surgeon, 
"  and  if  there  were,  you  shouldn't  mind  it, 
when  I  am  here ; "  whereupon  the  surgeon 
placed  on  the  deck  a  pot  of  hot  glue,  a 
bottle  of  mucilage,  a  chisel,  some  nails, 
a  hammer,  and  four  packages  of  court- 
plaster. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  I  29 

Beatrice  shuddered  at  the  sight  of  4hese 
ominous  and  telltale  preparations,  and 
would  no  doubt  have  sought  refuge  in 
her  cabin,  had  not  rapidly  succeeding 
events  pursued  each  other  so  swiftly  as 
to  draw  her  attention  in  another  direc 
tion,  and  thereby  divert  her  thoughts  else 
where. 

Whilst  these  circumstances  had  trans 
pired,  the  ships  had  rapidly  neared  each 
other ;  the  port-holes  had  been  thrown 
wide  open,  and  the  guns  cleared  for  ac 
tion.  The  decks,  also,  had  been  greased 
with  vaseline,  in  order  to  make  the  move 
ment  of  the  belligerent  crews  as  rapid  as 
possible. 

The  donkey  in  the  donkey  engine,  util 
ized  to  turn  the  great  swivel  gun,  had 
gotten  up  all  steam,  and  was  braying  vig 
orously,  whilst  the  Highlanders  on  their 
bagpipes  with  strident  note  were  calling 
the  horse-marines  to  their  stations.  All 
was  pandemonium  and  excitement.  Every 
thing  presaged  a  long  and  bloodthirsty 
conflict.  A  crisp  breeze  was  blowing 


130  BLOWN  AWAY. 

and  whitening  the  crests  of  the  waves, 
whilst  the  dark  blue  of  the  ocean,  re 
flecting  as  it  did  the  azure  of  the  sky, 
composed  a  stirring  picture  of  nature's 
moving  energy  and  man's  ceaseless  en 
terprise,  —  together  with  the  music  of  the 
bagpipes  and  the  incessant  braying  of 
the  ass. 

At  this  instant,  one  gun  fired  by  the 
British  flag-ship  called  all  hands  to  atten 
tion,  and  a  large  white  flag  or  tablecloth 
was  descried  to  unfurl  itself  at  her  main 
royal  masthead.  At  the  same  time,  the 
Admiral  himself,  attired  in  full  evening 
dress,  was  seen  to  be  standing  on  the 
poop  or  quarter-deck  upon  a  raised  plat 
form,  consisting  of  two  barrels  crossed  by 
a  plank. 

The  agility  with  which  this  celebrated 
naval  commander  balanced  himself,  with 
the  assistance  of  a  pole,  upon  this  frail 
bridge,  had  gained  for  him  a  world-wide 
renown.  And  now  as  the  two  navies, 
drawn  up  as  they  were  in  battle  array, 
beheld  this  famed  warrior  in  the  very 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


performance  of  the  dauntless  feat  which 
had  won  for  him  the  esteem  of  every 
sailor  in  the  world,  not  only  the  navy 
which  he  led,  but  the  entire  complement 
of  the  opposing  fleet,  resounded  with  an 
ecstacy  of  prolonged  cheering. 

But  this  exhibition  of 
prowess  was  to  be 
succeeded  by  an 
even  more  com 
prehensive  display 
of  nautical  effi 
ciency.  Again  the 
gun  boomed,  and 


it  was  perceived 
that  the  British 
Admiral  was  hold 
ing  in  one  hand  a 
document,  whilst 
the  other  con 
tained,  in  place  of  the  balancing  pole,  a 
long  speaking-trumpet,  with  which,  whilst 
he  failed  not  to  preserve  his  equilibrium, 
he  delivered  the  following  moving  hymn 
before  the  battle : 


132  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  I  am  monarch  of  all  I  survey,  — 
My  attitude  none  can  dispute  ! 
Tho'  my  centre  of  gravity  may, 
It  cannot  upset  my  repute. 

"  By  this  petrified  pose  which  I  boast 

That  no  nation  can  rob  of  its  calm, 
Tho'  the  sea  may  be  storming  its  most, 
I'm  impervious  to  any  alarm  ! 

"  'Tis  this  wonderful  stoical  face 

That  never  betrays  an  emotion, 
This  marvellous,  inanimate  grace, 

That  crowns  me  the  King  of  the  Ocean ! 

"  I'm  out  of  humanity's  reach,  — 

It  may  canter  or  gallop  or  waddle ; 
I've  not  as  much  vim  as  a  leech, 

And  my  face  is  as  void  as  my  noddle. 

"  I'm  an  Englishman,  proud  of  my  race  ; 

I  boast  of  my  lack  of  emotion,  - 
It's  this  wonderful,  stoical  face 

That  crowns  me  the  King  of  the  Ocean  ! 

"  You  may  fire  your  guns  if  you  will, 

You  may  pelt  with  torpedoes  and  shot, 
My  nose  remains  perfectly  still,  — 
It  is  not  to  be  stirred  from  the  spot. 


BLOWAr  AWAY.  133 

"  'Tis  true  I  may  wax  somewhat  pale, 
Yet  I'll  vow  by  my  British  repose, 
Tho'  my  centre  of  gravity  fail, 

No  !  you  cannot  disturb  my  old  nose. 

"I'm  an  Englishman,  proud  of  my  race  ; 
I'm  proud  of  my  lack  of  emotion,  — 
It's  my  wonderful  stoical  face 

That  crowns  me  the  King  of  the  Ocean  !  " 

Barely  had  these  thrilling  words  been 
uttered,  than  the  boys  on  the  Spanish 
Armada,  swarming  up  the  yards,  opened 
a  well-directed  fire  on  the  Admiral  with 
their  pea-shooters.  Although  the  shot  fell 
like  hail  about  him,  and  the  noise  made 
by  the  pellets  striking  his  chest  was  not 
unlike  the  sound  of  rain  upon  a  tin  roof, 
the  Admiral  retained  his  immovable  and 
dignified  posture.  The  only  notice  indeed 
that  he  vouchsafed  the  storm  of  bullets 
was  to  open  his  umbrella  and  sit  down 
on  the  deck  beneath  its  cool  and  pro 
tecting  shade. 

It  is  impossible  to  describe  the  anguish 
which  Beatrice  and  Jessie  now  suffered. 


134  BLOWN  AWAY. 

The  entire  Spanish  Armada  had  advanced 
to  the  attack.  The  air  was  thick  with 
missiles  of  every  description.  Bricks, 
boots,  and  invectives  volleyed  and  thun 
dered.  Beatrice  and  Jessie  choking  down 
the  screams  which  rose  involuntarily  to 
their  lips,  hastily  tied  red  crosses  on  their 
arms,  and  tenderly  nursed  the  wounded. 

The  Spanish  Admiral  had  formed  his 
fleet  into  a  corkscrew,  and  was  trying  to 
draw  the  English  ships.  Again  and  again 
he  exerted  all  his  strength.  In  vain.  The 
British  stuck  to  their  bottles. 

It  was  now  evident  that  if  anything  was 
to  be  accomplished,  something  must  be 
done.  Hoisting  a  flag  of  truce,  the  Span 
ish  withdrew  for  a  consultation. 

The  English  were  permitted  to  catch 
their  breath.  But  their  exertions  had 
been  so  tremendous  that  they  sank  to  a 
man  upon  the  decks  of  their  vessels,  and 
stared  with  meaningless  and  bloodshot 
eyes  before  them,  whilst  their  lips  mum 
bled  rambling  and  senseless  words. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  carried  water  to  the 


BLOWN  AWAY.  135 

poor  sailors,  and  tried  to  persuade  them 
to  drink  it,  but  failed.  A  dense  fog  caused 
by  the  discussion  in  the  air  now  envel 
oped  the  combatants  in  its  grateful  folds, 
and  obscured  them  from  each  other,  an 
event  which  was  taken  full  advantage  of 

O 

by  both  fleets  ;  for  when  the  mist  rolled 
away  and  the  moon  illuminated  the  scene, 
neither  fleet  was  in  sight. 

It  was  with  deep  regret  that  Beatrice 
and  Jessie  parted  from  the  many  friends 
they  had  acquired  during  their  passage, 
and  they  cordially  invited  the  captain  to 
come  and  see  them  as  soon  as  they  knew 
where  they  were  to  live. 

After  landing,  Beatrice  and  Jessie  wan 
dered  towards  a  beautiful  park,  the  gates 
of  which  stood  invitingly  open.  Their 
little  dog  gamboled  merrily  before  them, 
and  its  joyous  barks  and  wagging  tail 
expressed  louder  than  words  the  happi 
ness  he  anticipated. 

"  Leave  the  dog  outside,"  said  the  po 
liceman. 

"  He  is  outside,"  answered  Beatrice  and 


136  fLOWN  AWAY. 

Jessie,  "we  didn't  like  to  leave  the  poor 
dear  little  love  at  home." 

"  He  can't  go  into  the  park,"  said  the 
policeman. 

"  Why  ?  "  asked  Beatrice  and  Jessie. 

"  He'd  eat  the  grass,"  replied  the  police 
man.  "  Leave  him  with  me,  and  I'll  give 
you  a  check." 

"  For  how  much  ?  "  asked  Jessie. 

"  For  the  dog,"  said  the  policeman. 

The  children  had  to  leave  their  pet 
in  the  care  of  the  policeman,  who  gave 
them  a  brass  check  with  a  number  on 
it,  and  they  walked  into  the  park.  Being 
fatigued  they  sat  down  on  the  grass  under 
a  tree. 

"  Get  up  !  "  said  the  policeman. 

"  Why  ?  "  said  Beatrice  and  Jessie. 

"  You're  spoiling  the  grass." 

"  Can't  we  sit  on  the  grass  ? " 

"  No,"  said  the  policeman. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  walking  away, 
when  the  policeman  stopped  them. 

"  You  can't  walk  over  the  grass,"  he 
said. 


"'I'M    DIFFERENT,'    SAID    THE    POLICEMAN.' 


BLOWN  AWAY.  139 

"  How  are  we  to  reach  the  path  ? "  they 
asked. 

"  I'll  carry  you,"  said  the  policeman. 
"  If  you  walked  over  the  grass  it  would 
never  grow  again." 

"  But  you  are  walking  on  it,"  they  ex 
claimed. 

"  I'm  different,"  said  the  policeman ; 
and  tucking  them  under  his  arms,  he  car 
ried  them  to  the  nearest  gravel  path. 

"  This  is  very  tiresome,"  said  Beatrice. 
"  I  think  I'll  pick  some  flowers  and  make 
a  wreath." 

"  If  you  pick  any  flowers,"  said  the  po 
liceman,  "  I'll  have  to  lock  you  up." 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  began  to  cry. 

"  Don't  cry  in  the  park,"  said  the  police 
man.  "  If  you  want  to  cry,  you  must  go 
outside." 

"  Then  I'll  ride  on  a  bicycle,"  said  Bea 
trice.  "I  must  do  something." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  policeman. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  mounted  two  bi 
cycles,  and  were  just  about  to  start  off 
when  a  large  cart  dumped  a  hill  of  gravel 


140  BLOWN  AWAY. 

right  in  front  of  them  and  they  fell  off 
their  wheels.  Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  so 
disgusted  that  they  stood  quite  still  in  the 
middle  of  the  path  with  their  thumbs  in 
their  mouths. 

"  Move  on  ! "  said  the  policeman.  "  You 
mustn't  stand  still  in  the  park." 

"  Oh,  dear !  oh,  dear !  "  said  Beatrice, 
"  what  can  we  do  ? " 

"  Why  don't  you  fly  ?  "  said  the  robin. 

"  We  can't,"  answered  Beatrice. 

"  Oh,  yes,  you  can,"  replied  the  robin. 
"  You  only  think  you  can't  because  you've 
never  tried.  What  you  lack  is  confidence. 
If  you  believe  you  can  fly,  you  can  fly. 
You  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  yourselves  ! 
Great  girls  like  you  to  be  outdone  by  a 
little  robin  !  WThy,  even  flies  fly  !  " 

"  You  mustn't  fly  in  the  park  ! "  said  the 
policeman. 

But  Beatrice  and  Jessie,  fired  by  the 
example  set  them  by  the  worthy  robin, 
and  no  doubt  excited  by  the  tyranny  of 
the  policeman,  rose  in  the  air  and  flew  out 
of  sight. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  141 

"  They're  flying  -  machines,"  said  the 
policeman,  as  he  sat  down  to  whittle  a 
stick.  "  I'm  sorry  I  spoke  to  them,  I 
thought  they  were  girls." 

All  the  birds  were  extremely  polite  to 
Beatrice  and  Jessie,  and  they  soon  discov 
ered  that  they  had  acted  wisely  in  entrust 
ing  themselves  to  the  care  of  the  robin, 
who  seemed  to  stand  very  high  in  the 
estimation  of  his  brother  birds. 

"  If  you  don't  mind,"  said  the  robin, 
"  the  rooks  are  giving  a  big  party  this 
afternoon,  and  we  will  go  there." 

il  With  pleasure,"  said  Beatrice  and 
Jessie. 

When  they  arrived  at  the  Rookery,  they 
found  the  mansion  crowded  to  suffoca 
tion. 

"  Dear !  dear ! "  said  the  robin,  as  he 
squeezed  his  way  through  the  door,  fol 
lowed  by  the  girls,  "  this  is  certainly  a 
crush." 

"  Where's  the  hostess  ?  "  asked  Beatrice. 

"  Oh,  that  doesn't  matter,"  said  the 
robin,  "  she's  somewhere,  perhaps  on  the 


142  BLOWN  AlVAY. 

roof.  You'll  have  to  climb  the  stairs  if 
you  want  to  speak  to  her.  But  first  we'd 
better  fight  for  something  to  eat." 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  fighting  girls 
and  assented  gladly.  Robin  layed  vigor 
ously  about  him  with  fists  and  beak,  while 
Beatrice  and  Jessie  kicked  and  scratched 
and  bit  until  they  reached  a  long  table 
behind  which  a  number  of  birds  in  black 
and  white  liveries  were  dealing  out  food 
and  drink  just  as  fast  as  they  could ;  and 
the  children  noticed  that  the  perspiration 
was  streaming  from  their  faces. 

"  Grab  all  you  can,"  said  the  robin. 

Beatrice  snatched  a  handful  of  ice 
cream,  whilst  Jessie  packed  her  apron 
with  apricot  jelly. 

"  Come  along,"  said  the  robin,  who  had 
tucked  his  pockets  full  of  everything  he 
could  lay  his  hands  on.  "  Come  along, 
and  we'll  eat  it."  But  alas !  there  is  many 
a  slip.  Some  late  arrivals  attacked  them 
with  so  much  vehemence  that  in  a  little 
while  they  had  been  robbed  of  all  their 
hard  won  refreshments. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  143 

"  It's  no  good  crying  over  spilt  milk," 
said  the  robin.  "  Pin  yourselves  together 
again  and  I'll  present  you  to  Mrs.  Rook." 

After  a  struggle  through  the  crowd  they 
found  Mrs.  Rook  at  the  head  of  the  stair 
case  ;  she  had  one  arm  in  a  sling  and  the 
other  was  fast  becoming  useless.  But  she 
shook  hands  with  Beatrice  and  Jessie,  and 
hoped  they  were  enjoying  themselves. 
Behind  the  hostess  a  little  cock  sparrow 
was  playing  on  the  piano,  and  further 
away  a  small  parrot  was  talking  as  fast 
as  he  could  for  the  amusement  of  the 
crowd.  A  tall  blackbird  was  also  reciting 
a  poem. 

"  That's  our  great  tragedian,"  said  the 
robin.  "  I  know  him,  and  if  you  like  I'll 
ask  him  to  recite  something  for  us." 

"  I  don't  like  to  trouble  him,"  said  Bea 
trice. 

"  Oh,  he  likes  it,"  said  the  robin ;  "  he 
recites  all  the  time,  and  he'd  be  very  un 
happy  if  we  didn't  ask  him.  Moreover, 
he'll  have  to  recite  for  me,  or  I'd  write 
things  about  him  in  my  newspaper." 


144  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Do  you  write  newspapers  ?  "  asked 
Jessie. 

"  Yes,"  said  the  robin ;  "  I  write  news 
papers  and  poetry  and  things.  If  you 
like,  I'll  make  the  blackbird  recite  my 
latest  poem." 

"  Oh,  do !  "  said  Beatrice. 

When  the  blackbird  saw  the  robin,  he 
wept  for  joy,  and  the  robin  himself  was 
so  deeply  affected  that  he  mingled  his 
tears  with  those  of  the  blackbird. 

"  Recite  my  poem,"  said  the  robin.  The 
blackbird  wept  again.  "  My  latest,"  added 
the  robin. 

"  I  know  it  ;  I  know  it  well,"  said 
the  blackbird,  and  wept.  "  It  is  a 
touching  poem,  a  beautiful  and  moving 
song." 

The  robin  flew  swiftly  among  the  crowd, 
and  hastily  imparted  the  information  that 
the  great  blackbird  was  about  to  declaim 
his  poem.  Instantly  all  was  attention, 
and  every  one  talked  as  loud  as  he  could. 
The  blackbird,  advancing  one  leg  and 
throwing  back  the  hair  from  his  low  brow, 


BLOWN  AWAY.  145 

announced    "  The    Cuckoo    Song,  by  my 
lifelong  friend,  Mr.  Robin  :  " 

"  The  cuckoo  does  not  earn  his  food ; 
He's  not  industrious  or  good,  — 
He  waits  till  others  build  a  cot, 
And  then  he  steals  the  house  and  lot ; 
He  does  not  make  the  beds  or  sweep ; 
He  does  not  go  to  mart,  or  keep 
The  little  children  clean  for  school, 
Or  scrub  the  floor  or  card  the  wool ; 
He  does  not  boil  or  fry  or  stew,  — 
Oh,  no,  —  he  simply  sings  'Cuckoo.' 
But  robins  build  their  nests,  and  say : 
'We  have  no  time  to  play  to-day.'  ' 

Mr.  Blackbird  paused.  Taking  off  his 
eye-glasses,  and  changing  his  voice  to  a 
deep  and  hollow  tone,  he  continued : 

"  The  cuckoo  goes  to  ball  and  rout ; 
He's  never  in  ;  he's  always  out ; 
And  while  he  lives  on  cake  and  ale, 
His  little  brothers  pine  and  pale. 
He  plays  at  every  club  in  town, 
But  will  not  buy  his  wife  a  gown  ! 


146  BLOWN  AWAY. 

At  parties  he  is  full  of  grace, 

And  when  at  home  he  pulls  a  face,  — 

You'd  think  that  he  would  smile  there  too  ? 

Oh,  no!  he  simply  sings  'Cuckoo.' 

But  robins  build  their  nests,  and  say  : 

'We  have  no  time  to  play  to-day.'  ' 

Mr.  Blackbird  replaced  his  glasses,  and 
permitted  a  playful  smile  to  curl  about 
his  lips,  as  he  looked  keenly  about  him : 

"  The  cuckoo  is  a  thievish  bird, 
As  you  have  very  often  heard. 
At  afternoons,  when  weather's  damp, 
He  always  takes  the  newest  gamp  ; 
He  also  steals  your  latest  tale, 
For  which  he  ought  to  go  to  jail. 
He  does  not  wait  on  Ma  and  Jane, 
And  hand  the  salads  and  champagne,  — 
Oh,  no  !     But  I  have  seen  him  sneak 
Enough  cigars  to  last  a  week ; 
And  will  he  leave  some  smokes  for  you  ? 
Oh,  no!  he  simply  sings  'Cuckoo.' 
But  robins  build  their  nests,  and  say  : 
'  We  have  no  time  to  play  to-day.' ' 

Then,  lapsing  into  a  sentimental,  nay, 
somewhat  mournful  strain,  the  blackbird 


BLOWN  AWAY.  147 

fell  gracefully  into  a  chair,  and,  reclining 
his  head  upon  his  hand,  concluded : 

"  The  cuckoo  tells  the  widow  lies, 
And  wins  her  simple  sympathies, 
And  chooses  all  your  busy  hours 
To  sing  her  songs  or  bring  her  flowers  ; 
And  when  you  reach  her  house  for  tea, 
You  find  you've  lost  her  property. 
But  will  the  cuckoo  seize  her  home, 
And  everything  you  thought  your  own  ? 
No,  —  that  he  will  not  dare  to  do  ! 
Oh,  yes,  —  he  simply  sings  'Cuckoo.' 
But  robins  build  their  nests  and  say : 
'  We  have  no  time  to  play  to-day.' ' 

"  My  dear,  dear  children  !  "  exclaimed 
some  one  close  to  Beatrice  and  Jessie, 
"  Don't  you  know  me  ?  Have  I  found 
you  at  last  ?  Embrace  me.  I'm  your 
ant!" 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  turned  round,  and 
were  immediately  clasped  in  the  arms  of 
their  long  lost  ant. 

"  You  must  come  and  live  with  me," 
said  the  ant,  and  was  so  pressing  in  her 
invitation  that  the  children  had  not  the 


148 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


heart  to  refuse.  "  It's  very  fortunate  for 
you,"  said  their  ant,  "  that  I  found  you. 
If  you  are  going  into  society,  I  can  be 
of  immeasurable  service  to  you.  I  go 
everywhere,  —  everywhere.  Come  along. 
Things  are  all  in  a  heap  at 
home,  but  you  won't  mind 
that." 

"  We  didn't  know  we  had 
ants,"  interjected  Beatrice. 
"  Bless  the  child,"  said  her  ant, 
looking  at  her  fondly. 

"  Do  you  really  go  every 
where  ? "  asked  Jessie.  "  Perhaps 
you  can  tell  us  where  the  prince 
lives  who  is  enslaved  by  the  boarding- 
house  fairy  ? " 

"  Well,  you  see,"  replied  the  ant,  scratch 
ing  her  nose  reflectively,  "  there  are  so 
many  boarding-houses,  and  we  frequent 
them  all." 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  seemed  very  dis 
appointed. 

"  There,  there,"  soothed  the  ant,  "  don't 
cry ;  where  there's  a  will,  there's  a  way,  — 


BLOWN  AWAY.  149 

that's  the  ant  motto, —  and  I  shouldn't  won 
der  if  some  member  or  other  of  our  family 
would  be  able  to  direct  you." 

On  the  road  to  the  ant's  residence,  they 
met  a  great  many  of  their  relatives,  who 
appeared  to  be  too  occupied  to  take  any 
notice  of  them. 

"  They're  very  rude,"  said  the  ant.  "  If 
there  is  anything  in  the  world  worth  liv 
ing  for,  it's  etiquette." 

"  It's  what? "  asked  Beatrice  and  Jessie. 

"  Etiquette  !  "  shouted  the  ant,  bridling 
and  looking  severe.  "  What  would  society 
be,  if  people  didn't  bow  to  one  another, 
and  dress  well,  and  be  particular  about 
their  finger-nails  and  their  hats  and  bon 
nets  ?  I  shudder,"  continued  the  ant, 
'  whenever  I  see  a  badly  dressed  woman 
in  church.  It's  terrible  to  think  of  what 
might  happen  to  her !  Of  all  places  where 
a  woman  should  be  got  up  in  the  very 
height  of  fashion,  it's  church." 

"  I  don't  think  your  grammar  is  good, 
ant,"  said  Jessie,  who  was  precocious. 

"  That   doesn't   matter,"  said   the    ant ; 


I5O  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  I'm  well  dressed.  Moreover,"  continued 
the  ant,  reflectively,  as  she  courteously 
returned  the  bow  of  an  elderly  and  gen 
tlemanly  ant  in  a  Prince  Albert  and  a 
high  silk  hat,  "  moreover,  I  have  money, 
and  my  coachman  is  immaculate,  though 
I  say  it  as  shouldn't.  I  can  do  without 
grammar.  You  can't  eat  grammar,  can 
you  ?  "  she  inquired.  "  You  can't  buy 
gowns  with  it,  or  horses  and  carriages, 
or  diamonds,  or  a  French  cook,  or  steam 
yachts,  or  boxes  at  the  opera,  or  castles 
and  parks  in  England,  can  you  ?  " 

When  the  ant  had  ceased  speaking,  she 
said  no  more.  A  cloud  was  seen  ap 
proaching.  It  was  a  cloud  of  dust.  The 
dust  was  sand.  This  cloud  of  sand  was 
a  simoon.  A  simoon  is  the  dreaded 
sand-storm  of  the  desert.  What  was  a 
simoon  doing  in  London  ?  We  shall 
see.  It  approached  with  frightful  rapid 
ity.  The  inhabitants  fled  before  it.  Some 
hid  in  the  cellars ;  others  retired  to  their 
beds,  and  drew  the  covering  over  their 
heads.  Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  much 


BLOWN  AWAY.  I  5  I 

alarmed.  The  ant  exhibited  no  concern; 
she  remarked : 

"Sand  is  my  native  element.  Sand  is 
breath  to  my  nostrils."  The  ant  then 
walked  home. 

It  is  impossible  to  exaggerate  the  peril 
of  the  children's  situation.  If  their  lives 
were  to  be  saved,  some  refuge  must  swiftly 
be  found.  Where  was  this  refuge  ?  Was 
it  at  hand?  Unbeknown  to  them,  it  was. 
This  refuge  was  a  four-wheeler.  The 
person  who  drove  this  four-wheeler  was 
a  man.  This  cannot  be  said  of  all  per 
sons  who  control  the  destinies  of  a  four- 
wheeler.  What  is  a  four-wheeler?  A 
four-wheeler  is  a  common  or  garden  cab. 
It  has  four  wheels.  It  has  also  shafts. 
In  the  shafts  is  an  animal.  Is  this  animal 
a  horse  ?  Who  can  tell  ? 

Beatrice  hailed  the  cab.  The  cab 
stopped.  Why  did  the  cab  stop  ?  The 
driver  had  spoken  to  the  horse.  What 
had  he  said?  He  had  said,  "Whoa." 
Was  the  driver  a  North  American  In 
dian  ?  He  was  not.  He  was  an  Irish- 


152  BLOWN  AWAY. 

man.  An  Irishman  is  a  man  who  does 
not  live  in  Ireland.  What  is  Ireland  ?  It 
is  an  island.  What  are  its  principal  prod 
ucts  ?  Pigs,  potatoes,  and  politics. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  were  about  to  en 
trust  their  fortunes,  to  this  honest  Irish 
man.  The  Irishman's  hand  was  extended. 
Beatrice  and  Jessie  paused.  This  pause 
was  fatal  to  the  Irishman.  It  is  in  a  mo 
ment  that  fortunes  are  lost, —  this  moment 
proved  such  an  one.  The  sky  had  cleared, 
the  sand-storm  had  passed. 

The  cab  was  dismissed  and  the  Arab 
rode  away  calling  his  prophet  names. 
The  sun  now  shone  with  undiminished 
splendor  upon  the  plain.  The  heat  was 
terrific.  The  very  trees  and  rocks  were 
broiling.  There  was  a  smell  of  cooking 
in  the  air.  The  flowers  hung  their  heads 
in  listless  apathy. 

The  children  were  exhausted, —  their 
feet  refused  to  carry  them  further.  They 
sat  down.  Some  cocoanuts  falling  upon 
their  bare  heads  attracted  their  attention. 

"  These   nuts,"  said   Beatrice,  "  contain 


HLOWN  A  W 'AY. 


153 


an  agreeable  liquid  which  closely   resem 
bles    milk.      The  fruit    of   the   nut    itself, 
although  indigestible,  is  not  unpalatable." 
Robinson  Crusoe  was  out  for  the  day, 
visiting  his  plantations  and  ^-y^ 

removing  sacks  of 
flour  and  jewelry 
from  the  wreck.  He 
had  nailed  a  card  to 
the  door  of  his  office 
which  read,"  Will 
return  at  5  p.  M." 
The  children 
exercised  the 
liberty  of  using 
his  gimlet  and 
his  axe  to  obtain 
refreshment  from  the 
cocoanut.  They  intended  to  remain 
some  few  days  with  Mr.  Robinson  Crusoe 
and  his  man  Friday.  Whilst  awaiting 
their  return,  the  parrot  entertained  them 
with  songs  and  humorous  anecdotes. 
The  children  marvelled  greatly  at  the 
intelligence  of  this  remarkable  bird. 


154  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Perhaps,"  said  Beatrice,  when  the  par 
rot  had  concluded  a  song  and  dance  even 
more  entertaining  than  its  fellows,  "  since 
you  have  displayed  so  much  wisdom,  you 
can  impart  some  information  concerning 
the  prince  who  is  enslaved  by  the  board 
ing-house  fairy  ?  " 

"  Young  ladies,"  replied  the  parrot,  "  I 
have  always  been  too  much  interested  in 
the  fortunes  of  Haroun  Alraschid,  to  for 
get  any  circumstance  of  the  incidents  of 
his  life  which  has  been  handed  down  to 
us.  If  you  choose  to  honor  me  with  your 
attention,  I  shall  immediately  gratify  your 
curiosity." 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  testified  their  wish 
to  hear  the  relation,  and  the  parrot,  who 
was  no  other  than  the  Sultana  Scheher 
azade,  began  in  these  words : 

"  Before  relating-  the  adventures  of  the 

O 

renowned  Commander  of  the  Faithful, 
which  would  occupy  a  period  of  three 
years,  permit  me  to  state  that  the  prince 
of  whom  you  are  in  search  is  no  other 
than  the  Caliph  Haroun  Alraschid  him- 


BLOWN  AWAY.  155 

self,  and  that  the  fairy  who  has  enslaved 
the  pride  of  the  Moslem  race  is  the  same 
wicked  Genie  who,  tired  of  hearing  my 
stories  in  praise  of  the  great  monarch, 
transformed  me  into  a  parrot.  Giafar, 
the  Grand  Vizier  to  the  Caliph,  and  who 
shared  with  him  his  nocturnal  adventures, 
is  allowed  to  remain  in  companionship 
with  his  master.  Should  you  find  the 
prince,  you  would  also  discover  his  de 
voted  servant,  Giafar.  I  have  no  doubt 
whatever  that  if  you  succeed  in  releasing 
the  Caliph  from  the  spell  of  the  Genie  you 
will  earn  his  lifelong  gratitude,  and  that 
he  will  load  you  with  wealth  and  honors. 
When  this  occurs,  do  not  forget  the  un 
fortunate  Scheherazade."  The  parrot  was 
silent ;  but  the  tears  that  flowed  down  her 
beak  testified  more  than  words  to  the 
anguish  of  her  soul. 

"  Believe  us,"  said  Beatrice,  "  we  will  try 
to  remember  your  name." 

"  I  will  give  you  my  card  and  address," 
said  the  parrot,  "  and  I  will  now  offer  you 
such  advice  as  may  be  acceptable  in  your 


156  BLOWN  AWAY. 

situation.       Follow    your    nose    for    five 

j 

leagues  ;  it  will  lead  you  within  the  vicinity 
of  the  boarding-house.  When  you  have 
arrived  you  will  be  apprised  of  the  fact  by 
the  odor,  which  is  unmistakable.  Here 
you  will  discover  a  youth  searching  the 
contents  of  an  ash-barrel.  This  youth 
will  be  no  other  than  the  unfortunate 
Giafar.  He  will  lead  you  into  the  pres 
ence  of  the  Commander  of  the  Faithful. 
More  I  am  not  at  liberty  to  disclose. 
Haroun  Alraschid  will  furnish  you  with 
further  particulars." 

Although  the  children  used  every  means 
to  persuade  the  parrot  to  continue,  she 
was  silent,  and  beyond  saying  at  intervals, 
"  Pretty  Poll,  lump  of  sugar,"  her  mouth 
was  sealed. 

Robinson  Crusoe  had  now  returned. 
On  his  way  to  his  hut  he  had  discovered 
a  hansom  cab  and  horse  which  had  been 
blown  ashore  in  the  gale  of  the  previous 
night.  In  the  cab  he  had  found  a  parcel 
containing  a  dozen  six-button  gloves,  size 
five  and  a  half,  but  notwithstanding  he 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


157 


had  carefully  searched  the  beach  in  every 
direction,  he  had  discovered  no  clue  to 
the  young  and  beautiful  owner.  He  had 
climbed  upon  the  cab  and  had  driven 
himself  to  his  hut.  Friday  was  now  un 
harnessing  the  horse  and  stab 
ling  it  in  the  shed  with  the 
tame  ostrich,  the  providential 
pig,  and  the  miraculous  cow. 

Robinson  Crusoe,  when  he 
entered     his     drawing-room, 
where    the   two    young   ladies 
were  seated,  was  attired  in  the 
very  height   of   fashion.      In 
deed,  with   a   man    of    Robinson 
Crusoe's  refined   taste,  it   could  not 
be  otherwise,   since    his   island   provided 
everything. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  rose  respectfully 
when  Robinson  Crusoe  entered,  but  he 
begged  them  to  be  seated  and  to  enjoy 
some  of  the  delicacies  which  Friday  would 
place  before  them. 

Friday,  attired  in  the  Crusoe  livery, 
entered  and  deposited  on  a  table  some 


158  BLOWN  AWAY. 

excellent  ortolans  (fried  and  served  with 
risotto),  a  most  tempting  pate  de  foie  gras, 
several  large  bunches  of  hothouse  grapes, 
some  exquisite  cakes  and  a  decanter  of 
dry  Tokay. 

"  Most  heartily,"  said  Robinson  Crusoe, 
rising  and  bowing  with  much  grace,  "  I 
bid  you  welcome  to  my  house,  which,  to 
gether  with  its  owner,  is  entirely  at  your 
disposal.  I  beg  you  will  partake  of  this 
poor  refreshment  until  a  repast  more 
worthy  of  the  honor  you  have  done  me 
may  be  prepared.  And  in  the  meanwhile 
my  faithful  retainer  and  myself  will  ac 
complish  our  best  to  lighten  the  hours 
of  waiting." 

Robinson  Crusoe  and  Friday  now  with 
drew,  but  presently  returned  in  the  cos 
tume  affected  by  the  clowns  at  a  country 
fair.  Lightly  leaping  over  one  another 
after  the  manner  adopted  in  the  popular 
game  of  leap-frog,  they  circled  about  the 
room,  exchanging  hearty  slaps  or  such 
witticisms  as  were  not  beyond  the  com 
prehension  of  the  young  and  unsophis- 


BLOWN  AWAY.  159 

ticated.  This  was  followed  by  a  most 
dexterous  ventriloquial  entertainment  on 
the  part  of  Robinson  Crusoe,  his  man 
Friday  having  been  stationed  on  the  roof 
in  order  to  reply  down  the  chimney  to  the 
questions  propounded  to  him  by  his  mas 
ter.  After  this,  a  sleight-of-hand  perform 
ance  by  Friday  enabled  Robinson  Crusoe 
to  withdraw  for  a  period.  Friday's  tricks 
were  truly  astonishing,  and  consisted  in 
making  an  omelette  in  Beatrice's  hat,  and 
in  causing  anything  in  the  shape  of  money 
or  valuables  to  disappear.  When  this  fund 
of  humor  had  been  exhausted,  Robinson 
Crusoe  returned  with  a  violin,  and  having 
carefully  tuned  it  with  the  assistance  of  a 
grand  piano,  which  he  had  found  firmly 
wedged  in  a  cleft  of  rock  some  few  weeks 
ago,  he  accompanied  Friday  to  the  follow 
ing  characteristic 


"  Dar's  noding  on  dis  island  dat  yer  can't  get 
free  ! 

Boom  de  boom  de  rido  ! 
From  a  green  omberella  to  a  mango-tree, 
Boom  de  boom  de  rido  ! 


l6o  BLOWN  AWAY. 

Bar's  a  roasted   possum  down  der  chimney 
flue, 

And  he's   stuffed  wid  onion  and  wid  chest 
nuts,  too ! 

De  milk  and  honey  is  flowing  down  de  street ; 

It's  a  slap-up  island,  and  it  can't  be  beat 
No  how !     Boom  de  boom  de  rido  !  " 

Here  Robinson  Crusoe  and  Friday 
paused  in  their  melody  to  execute  a  lively 
and  exhilarating  dance ;  they  then  con 
tinued  : 

"  Dar's  noding  on  dis  island  dat  yer  have  der 

do, 

Boom  de  boom  de  rido  ! 

Yer  just  sit  still  and  it  walks  ter  you, 

Boom  de  boom  de  rido  ! 

Dar  ain't  no  troubles,  and  dar  ain't  no  crime, 
But  it's  balm  o'  Gilead  all  der  time. 
And  dar  ain't  no  taxes,  and  dar  ain't  no  care, 
But  it's  summer  and  sunshine  all  der  year, 
You  bet !     Boom  de  boom  de  rido  !  " 

Robinson  Crusoe  and  his  man  again 
performed  a  rapid  shuffle  and  proceeded : 


BLOWN  AWAY.  l6l 

"  Bar's    noding    on    dis    island    dat    dar   ain't 
thrown  in, 

Boom  de  boom  de  rido  ! 
When  yer  buys  de  oxen,  why  yer  buys  der 
skin, 

Boom  de  boom  de  rido ! 
If  you  buys  a  melon,  why  you  buy  de  patch  ; 
If  yer  buys  a  chicken,  why  she's  bound  to 

hatch  ; 
If  yer  kiss  and  yer  caught  and  marries  yer 

Sail, 

Why  all  har  relations  dey  goes  wid  der  gal. 
Just  so,  hey  !  Boom  de  boom  de  rido  !  " 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  stole  on  tiptoe  from 
the  room.  As  long  -as  the  fate  of  the 
prince  remained  in  doubt,  they  could  not 
enter  into  the  spirit  of  this  gay  and  frolic 
some  scene.  Scarcely  had  they  proceeded 
fifteen  miles  before  they  discovered  a  re 
cumbent  figure  in  an  attitude  of  great 
dejection  beneath  an  olive-tree. 

"  Stranger,"  said  Beatrice,  striking  the 
youth  violently  on  the  back  with  the  palm 
of  her  hand,  and  addressing  him  with 
great  diffidence,  "  your  attitude  interests 


1 62  BLOWN  AWAY. 

me.  Tell  me  what  has  caused  you  to  cast 
yourself  in  such  evident  sorrow  beneath 
this  tree  ? " 

"  O  light  of  my  eyes,"  replied  the  youth, 
screening  his  face  with  his  hands,  and 
gazing  at  Beatrice  and  Jessie  between  the 
outspread  fingers,  "  know  that  I  am  the 
unhappy  Boubou  ;  but  alas !  my  name  will 
convey  no  meaning  to  your  ears.  Suffice 
it  that  I  am  the  son  of  a  millionaire  who 
reared  me  in  the  expectation  of  securing 
my  living  without  having  to  work  for  it. 
Alas,  how  were  my  hopes  shattered ! 
Scarcely  had  I  reached  the  age  of  thirty- 
two  when  my  stern  parent  called  me 
before  him.  '  O  Boubou,'  said  he,  '  the 
time  is  now  arrived  when  you  must  prove 
yourself  worthy  of  the  tender  care  I  have 
bestowed  upon  your  education.'  I  threw 
myself  at  his  feet,  but  he  hastily  moved 
them  under  the  table.  '  O  my  father,' 
I  replied,  '  command  me.  Am  I  not 
your  son  ? '  For  some  time  my  father 
did  not  reply,  but  was  lost  in  deep 
thought. 


BLOWN  AWAY.  163 

" '  Boubou,'  he  then  continued,  '  I  have 
determined  you  shall  wed  the  lovely  Mou- 
mou ;  her  dowry  is  twenty  million  gold 
pieces,  and  I  will  bestow  upon  you  a  like 
sum.'  This  decision  on  the  part  of  my 
father  overwhelmed  me  with  joy,  for  I 
had  often  surreptitiously  watched  the 
lovely  Moumou  in  the  garden  of  her 
mother's  house,  which  adjoined  my  father's 
property.  I  did  not,  however,  permit  my 
father  to  discover  the  full  extent  of  my 
satisfaction,  but  merely  signified  my  will 
ingness  to  obey  him  in  all  things.  Not 
to  weary  you,  O  lady,  with  details  that 
cannot  interest  you,  we  were  married,  and 
lived  happily  upon  our  modest  compe 
tence,  until  one  day  Moumou  introduced 
the  game  of  croquet  into  our  quiet  home. 
Since  that  hour  we  have  known  neither 
peace  nor  happiness."  The  stranger  ceased, 
but  Beatrice  and  Jessie  beheld  his  ab 
stracted  gaze  riveted  in  terror  upon  a 
woman  who  approached,  holding  in  her 
hand  a  croquet  mallet.  Scrambling  to 
his  feet,  the  wretched  Boubou  bounded 


164  BLOWN  AWAY. 

away  like  a  gazelle,  pursued  by  the  in 
fatuated  Moumou. 

The  children  proceeded  on  their  path, 
pondering  on  the  mutability  of  human 
affairs. 

The  sun,  golden  in  the  morning,  now 
changed  its  hue  to  red,  and,  setting  in  the 
west,  bathed  all  the  landscape  in  its  rosy 
dye.  Beatrice  and  Jessie  floated  on  radi 
ant  clouds  of  scarlet  ether,  which,  pro 
pelled  by  gentle  zephyrs,  wafted  them  to 
the  north.  Giant  palms  swayed  in  the 
cooler  breeze,  and  myriad  gaudy  butter 
flies  and  jewelled  humming-birds  swarmed 
about  them.  Below  in  the  valley,  where 
the  mists  obscured  the  certainty  of  view, 
the  gray  willows  fringed  a  twining  stream 
that  shone  weird  and  white  as  the  moon 
sailed  majestically  into  its  nightly  empire. 

The  children  shuddered  and  drew  to 
gether.  The  clouds  that  bore  them  had 
turned  to  silver  gauze  and  chilled  their 
feet.  The  Erl-King  spoke  to  them  and 
waved  to  his  daughters,  who,  partly 
shrouded  in  the  high  grasses  and  the 


BLOWN  AWAY.  165 

wreaths  of  fog,  danced  by  the  brook 
below.  The  tree-toad  admonished  them 
ever  and  ever :  "  Go  on  !  Go  on  !  Go 
on !  "  The  fickle  will-o'-the-wisp  beck 
oned  them  to  the  marshes,  and  an  or 
chestra  of  crickets  played  a  fantasia  that 
thrilled  the  night.  Some  fatal  spell  held 
them  in  its  power.  Suddenly  the  clang 
of  a  bell,  the  vibrations  of  a  gong,  burst 
upon  their  ears.  The  landscape  faded, 
the  Erl  -  King  and  his  daughters  fled. 
The  will  -  o'  -  the  -  wisp  disappeared,  —  the 
tree  -  toad  was  silent.  The  crickets'  or 
chestra  died  away.  The  flowers  fell  and 
changed  to  ashes.  The  butterflies  and 

O 

humming-birds  flew  in  one  dense  swarm 
to  the  horizon.  A  pungent  odor  assailed 
their  nostrils. 

"  Hash  !  "  said  Jessie. 

"  Hash  !  "  said  Beatrice. 

"  Look !  "  cried  Jessie.  And  they  looked. 
They  found  they  were  in  a  long,  narrow, 
and  squalid  street.  A  gas-lamp  burned 
dimly  at  the  nearest  corner.  Close  by,  a 
Roman  was  endeavoring  to  grind  melody 


1 66  BLOWK  AWAY. 

out  of  a  box.  A  host  of  unwashed  chil 
dren  with  dishevelled  hair  and  dingy  gar 
ments  danced  in  the  noisome  atmosphere. 
A  man  slept  in  the  gloaming  of  a  battered 
porch.  The  sound  of  a  quarrelling  voice 
nearly  drowned  the  asthmatic  wheezing 
of  the  organ.  A  black  water  ran  in  the 
gutter.  In  this  two  urchins  dabbled  their 
feet.  An  Oriental,  bearing  upon  his  arm 
a  pile  of  rags,  cried,  "  Ole  clos' !  "  Ever 
and  anon  a  lukewarm  wind  flapped  the 
yellow  linen  depending  from  a  rope,  and 
startled  the  pigeons  that  watched  them 
from  the  roofs.  A  costermonger  cried 
his  wares.  A  policeman  twirling  his  club 
walked  boldlv  through  the  street.  The 

j  O 

organ  struck  up,  "  Know'st  thou  the  land 
where  the  citron  blooms  ?  " 

"  Why  do  people  live  here  ?  "  asked 
Beatrice. 

"Why?"  said  Jessie. 

"  The  world  is  very  large,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  Very,"  said  Jessie. 

"  Why  don't  they  walk  away  ? "  said 
Beatrice. 


BLOW AT  AWAY.  167 

"  Why  ?  "  said  Jessie. 

"  Do  you  wish  to  live  here  ? "  asked  a 
fat  voice. 

The  children  turned  in  its  direction  and 
beheld  a  stout  woman  holding  her  naked 
arms  akimbo.  Upon  her  head  she  wore 
a  tinsel  crown  decorated  with  draggled 
artificial  flowers.  In  one  hand  she 
clutched  a  wooden  sceptre  from  which 
the  gilt  tracery  was  partly  worn  away. 
"  Do  you  wish  to  live  here  ? "  repeated 
the  stout  woman. 

The  children  were  about  to  say  "  No !  " 
when  they  noticed  a  thin,  pale  youth  en 
gaged  in  ransacking  the  contents  of  an 
ash-barrel. 

"  It  is  Giafar,  the  companion  of  the 
prince !  "  they  exclaimed. 

"  Who  speaks  my  unhappy  name  ? " 
asked  the  youth. 

"  Oh,  tell  us,  tell  us,"  cried  the  children, 
"  where  is  the  prince." 

"  Follow  me,"  said  Giafar,  "  and  I  will 
lead  you  to  him." 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  thanked  the  Grand 


l6S  BLOW.V  AWAY. 

Vizier,  who,  opening  a  heavy  door,  led 

them  into  a  dark  hall  that  reeked  of  cheap 

cookery. 

"  Walk    in    here,   young    ladies,"    said 

Giafar,  "  and  I  will  advise  the  prince  of 
your  presence.  Permit  me,  how 
ever,  to  make  a  light." 

Giafar,  with  some  lingering 
remnant  of  a  departed  grace, 
struck  a  match  upon  the  seat  of 
his  nether  o-arment  and  lighted 

o  o 

the  gas ;  then  bowing,  he  left 
the  room. 

"  Do  you  wish  to  live  here  ? "  asked  the 
stout  woman,  standing  in  the  door. 

"  Who  are  you  ?  "  asked  Beatrice. 

"  I  am  the  boarding-house  fairy,"  replied 
the  stout  lady,  "  and  because  of  your  ex 
treme  youth,  I  overlook  your  evident  lack 
of  courtesy.  You  have  not  answered  my 
question.  Do  you  wish  to  live  here  ?  " 

"  We  came  to  find  the  prince,"  said 
Beatrice. 

"  Yes,"  said  the  boarding-house  fairy, 
"  so  does  every  one  who  lives  in  my  house. 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


169 


They  all  want  to  find  the  prince.  If  it 
were  not  for  him,  I  should  be  without 
boarders.  My  house  would  be  empty. 
Are  you  going  to  stay  here?" 

"  We  want  to  find  the  prince," 
answered  Beatrice. 

"  Then  you  do  wish 
to  live  here,"  said  the 
fairy.  "  I  will  prepare 
a  room  for  you,"  and 
with  this  the  fairy  van 
ished. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie 
took  advantage  of  the 
opportunity  to  look 
about  them.  The  furniture 
was  covered  with  black  '  horse 
hair,  which,  gaping  here  and  there,  ex 
posed  its  secrets.  A  table  stood  in  the 
centre  of  the  room  upon  a  meagre  rag 
carpet.  This  carpet,  which  was  very  dark, 
exhaled  an  odor  of  grease.  The  cloth  hid 
ing  the  table  had  long  since  abandoned 
any  definite  color.  An  upright  piano  of 
doubtful  origin,  with  stained  keys,  filled 


I/O 


BLOWN  A  IV AY. 


the  space  between  the  fireplace  and  the 
window,  and  tattered  music  and  blotted 
sheets  littered  its  surface.  Upon  the 
table  lay  some  time-worn  novels,  an  ink 
pot,  and  many  pages  of  foolscap  closely 
covered  with  scribbling.  A  stand  with 

birds,  from  which 
the  plumage  had 
been  plucked,  oc 
cupied  a  corner.  A 
pair  of  coarse  lace 
curtains  hune  be 


fore   the  dim   win 
dows.   These  curtains  had 
been   white  ;      they   were 
J  now  yellow,  and  torn  in  places. 

They  had  formerly  been  fastened  back 
with  blue  ribbons.  A  soiled  one  remained 
to  testify  mournfully  to  this  fact. 

In  the  fireplace,  a  paper  screen,  once 
bright  and  festive,  held  in  its  sooty  mesh 
the  remnant  of  a  scarlet  poppy.  On  the 
mantel-shelf,  a  shepherd  and  shepherdess 
under  glass  covers  smiled  eternally.  The 
first  played  on  a  shattered  lute ;  the  other 


BLOWN  AWAY.  I /I 

held  above  her  head  a  broken  arm.  They 
were  separated  by  a  black  clock,  upon 
which  a  dog  reclined  and  watched  the 
shepherdess.  The  tick-tick  of  the  clock 
had  long  since  ceased.  There  were  many 
ticks  in  this  house.  This  was  the  only 
one  that  stood  still. 

The  hour  was  late.  Beatrice  and  Jessie 
had  walked  far.  The  atmosphere  was 
heavy.  In  the  horsehair  chairs  they  sank 
back  and  closed  their  eyes.  The  clock 
on  the  mantel  struck  the  hour  and  played 
a  tune  whilst  the  dog  beat  time,  tick-tick- 
tick,  with  his  tail.  The  shepherd  smiled 
his  stereotyped  smile  at  the  shepherdess ; 
she  waved  her  broken  arm  above  her 
head,  and  they  sang : 
"  We  stand  in  a  state  of  ecstatic  delight 

That  is  properly  bound  by  restraint, 
And  who  would  not   envy  a  skin   that's   so 
white, 

Or  a  blush  that  is  born  of  such  paint  ? 

"  And  though  we  are  closed  in  a  prison  like 

this, 
And  dwell  in  a  house  made  of  glass, 


172  BLOWN  AWAY. 

We  never  complain  that  we  weary  of  bliss, 
Or  wear  with  the  years  as  they  pass. 

"  And  note,  we  are  dancing  with  perfect  repose, 

And  strum  on  a  lute  without  noise, 
Nor  can  you  complain  that  we  sing  thro'  the 

nose, 
Or  charge  you  too  high  for  these  joys ! 

"  You   mortals   may  droop   in   the   worry  and 

strife, 

And  sicken  and  languish  and  waste, 
But  we  remain  ever  the  picture  of  life 
Embodied  in  pigment  and  paste. 

"  How  often  is  love  that  is  known  by  the  way 

In  which  its  sweet  symptoms  are  shown, 
Enduring  as  this,  that  is  fashioned  to  stay, 
On  the  model  of  Darby  and  Joan  ? 

"  Or  can  all  the  riot  that  storms  in  your  breast 

Be  compared  with  contentment  like  ours, 
Where  jealousy  never  can  prey  on  its  rest, 
Or  satiety  grow  with  the  hours  ? 

"  But  ere  we  return  to  the  calm  that  ne'er  pains 

And  the  death  that  is  never  a  curse, 
Implore  of  the  fanciful  poet  with  brains 
Not  to  bring  us  to  life  in  his  verse! " 


BLOWN  AWAY. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  awoke.  They 
looked  steadfastly  at  the  china  figures. 
But  they  were  silent,  and  the  clock  ticked 
no  more  ;  neither  did  the  dog  wag  his  tail. 

"  Strange  !  "  remarked  Beatrice. 

"  Very,"  said  Jessie.  "  Since  the  hour 
approaches  that  we  are  at  last  to  see  the 
prince,  let  us  carefully  remember  the  in 
structions  impressed  upon  us  by  the  rat : 

"  We  must  enter  the  house, 

Eluding  the  fairy, 
And  discover  the  prince 
Alone  in  the  dairy !  " 

"  But  where  is  the  dairy  ?  " 

"  The  pump  is  in  the  scullery,"  said  the 
boarding-house  fairy,  who  appeared  at  this 
moment  with  her  sleeves  turned  up  and 
wiping  the  perspiration  from  her  brow 
with  her  apron.  "  But  do  you  fancy  you 
can  elude  me  ?  Never,  never !  " 

"  We  must  resort  to  stratagem,"  said 
Beatrice. 

"  What  stratagem,  ha  ? "  asked  the 
fairy. 


1/4  BLOWN  AWAY. 

"  Let  me  think,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  You  may,  if  you  can,"  answered  the 
fairy. 

"  Oh  !  "  cried  Beatrice,  "  look  at  those 
handsomely  attired  ladies  and  gentlemen 
ringing  the  bell  of  the  boarding-house 
opposite."  No  sooner  had  Beatrice  thus 
slyly  spoken  than  the  boarding-house  fairy 
darted  from  the  room  and  rushed  out  of 
the  house. 

The  children  grasped  one  another  by 
the  hand  and  fled  in  the  direction  in 
which  they  hoped  to  discover  the  dairy 
and  the  prince.  Nor  was  their  enterprise 
unrewarded.  At  the  end  of  the  corridor  a 
light  streaming  through  a  half-closed  door 
attracted  their  attention.  They  pushed  it 
open  and  stood  in  the  presence  of  the 
prince.  Hpw  can  words  describe  what 
they  beheld  ?  Or  how  can  language  pic 
ture  their  awe,  their  wonder,  and  their 
joy? 

Seated  in  the  centre  of  an  indescribable 
circle,  upon  a  mysterious  throne,  sat  a 
radiant  figure,  so  resplendent  yet  so  nebu- 


BLOWN  AWAY.  1/5 

lous  as  to  be  transparent.  The  face  of 
the  prince  hovered  in  a  scintillating  glory 
of  prismatic  hues  that  flashed  and  quiv 
ered  and  dazzled  the  sight.  The  witching 
smile  that  played  upon  his  lovely  coun 
tenance  was  so  alluring  as  to  cast  them 
abject  on  their  knees.  The  white  hand 
that  beckoned  them  was  gorgeous  with 
the  pale  and  varying  sheen  of  priceless 
opals ;  yet  as  they  sought  to  seize  it,  the 
hand  faded  before  their  eyes  only  to 
appear  again  where  it  had  vanished. 

Curls  of  gold  waved  about  the  prince's 
head  in  coils  like  jewelled  serpents,  and 
eyes  of  sapphire  blue  sought  theirs  with  a 
yearning  gaze  of  such  profound  love  and 
longing  that  they  burst  into  an  eloquence 
of  uncontrollable  sobs. 

Now  Beatrice  remembered  the  words  of 
the  rat : 

"  You  must  kiss  both  his  eyes, 

His  lips  and  his  ears, 
And  sit  down  by  his  side 

And  call  for  two  beers." 

How  could   she  ever  do  that  ?     How 


1 76 


BLOWN  A  W 'AY. 


could  she  ever  master  the  courage  to  em 
brace  that  ethereal  and  majestic  being  ? 

"  She  who  hesitates   is  lost ! "  said  the 
rat,  peeping  out  of  a  hole. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  sprang  at  the  throne 
and    threw  their  arms  about  the  prince. 

He  melted  from  their 
grasp,  and  Beatrice 
and  Jessie  hugged 
themselves. 

"  Now  sit  down  by 
his  side,"  said  the  rat. 
"  But    where    is 
he?"    they    e  x  - 
claimed. 

Even  as  they  spoke 
they  beheld  the  prince  restored  to  the 
spot  where  they  had  fancied  him  to  be, 
and  they  humbly  seated  themselves  at 
his  feet. 

"  Call  for  two  beers,"  cried  the  rat. 
Beatrice  and    Jessie  shouted    together, 
"  Zwei  lager !  " 

Hardly  had  the  words  passed  their  lips 
when  the  house  was  shaken  by  a  frightful 


BLOWN  A  IV AY.  1 77 

clap  of  thunder,  piercing  shrieks  resounded 
on  every  side,  the  doors  and  windows 
burst  open,  and  a  motley  throng,  with  di 
shevelled  locks  and  torn  garments,  invaded 
the  room.  Some  bore  in  their  hands  a 
banner  with  a  strange  device ;  many  car 
ried  goose  quills  dripping  with  ink,  others 
clutched  musical  instruments  in  their 
frenzied  fingers,  whilst  many  again  held 
palettes  and  paint  brushes  in  their  palsied 
hands.  All  strained  their  eyes  and  arms 
towards  the  vision  of  the  prince. 

"  He  is  ours !  he  is  ours !  he  is  ours ! " 
they  cried. 

"  No,"  said  the  boarding-house  fairy, 
"  he  is  mine.  Were  you  to  take  him 
away,  you  would  all  be  rich,  and  then 
I'd  starve  to  death." 

"  He  is  ours !  he  is  ours ! "  they  cried 
again. 

"  He  belongs  to  me,"  said  Beatrice. 

"  I  don't  wish  to  quarrel,"  said  Jessie, 
"  but  I  think  he  is  mine." 

"Who,"  asked  the  rat,  "who  can  tell 
me  a  rhyme  for  lager  ?  " 


178  BLOWN  AWAY. 

No  one  spoke. 

"  Go,  go,"  continued  the  wise  old  rat, 
"go  back  to  your  dens.  Are  you  pre 
sumptuous  enough  to  claim  the  prince, 
and  you  know  no  rhyme  for  lager  ?  " 

"  I  can  write  with  lager,"  said  one. 

"  I  can  paint  with  lager,"  said  another. 

"  I  can  be  brave  with  lager,"  cried  a 
third. 

"  I  can  swim  in  lager,"  sobbed  a  fourth. 

"  Yes,"  said  the  rat,  "  but  you  cannot 
rhyme  with  lager." 

With  despondent  mien  and  drooping 
heads  the  boarders  shuffled  from  the  room. 
The  prince  was  alone  with  Beatrice  and 
Jessie  and  the  rat. 

"  What  will  you  do  now  ? "  asked  the 
rat.  "  Let  me  advise  you  to  go  home  and 
mend  your  gowns." 

"  Never !  "  said  Beatrice.  "  I  won't  go 
home  without  the  prince." 

"  Nor  I,"  said  Jessie ;  and  they  made 
so  sudden  and  violent  an  onslaught  on 
the  exalted  one,  that,  torn  by  their 
unruly  hands,  he  fell  apart  and  shed 


BLOWN  AWAY. 


179 


from   his  gaping  wounds   a  very  mound 
of  sawdust. 

Beatrice  and  Jessie  stared  with  open- 
eyed  horror  at  the  sight.  At  their  feet 
lay  a  doll,  shrunken,  broken,  and  crushed. 
The  rat  chuckled.  The  boarding-house 
fairy  entered  with  a  pitcher  of 
beer.  Seeing  the  prince  prone 
upon  the  floor,  she  tenderly 
raised  him,  and,  sitting  down 
with  his  poor  torn  figure  across 
her  knee,  searched  her  work- 
basket  for  a  needle  and  thread. 
The  rat  chuckled  again. 

Looking  out  of  the  window,  and  lightly 
strumming  with  his  fingers  on  the  window- 
pane,  he  softly  hummed : 

"  Then  when  the  witch  enters 
To  serve  the  zwei  lager, 
You  may  cut  short  my  tail, 
For  'tis  but  a  — 

The  old  rat  said  no  more ;  he  fell  over 
gently,  and  rendered  up  his  ghost. 

Beatrice  and   Jessie  backed  slowly  to- 


i8o 


AUrAY. 


wards  the  door,  their  thumbs  in  their 
mouths,  their  little  under  lips  quivering, 
their  eyes  streaming  with  tears. 

There  was  a  heavy  dull  thud  of  silence. 


And  now  I've  talked  quite  enough  non 
sense,  and,  moreover,  it's  time  for  you 
children  to  have  your  bath. 


THE    END. 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


A     000  046  361     2 


